Confessions from the Fog

Finally came up with a come back for my mom's excuse of telling other's personal things about myself and the baby- "But they're my best friends!" "BUT- I'm your daughter!" I think that relationship should trump any gossip relationship any day. As with so many things though, I never think of what I could have said until DAYS after the event. *kicks self*

Really? Who knew standing up for myself would be so hard. After the last post I feel the need to write an update today. My older sister is out of surgery and all went well. After a guilt-ridden dream I had she passed away during the operation. I've been feeling hugely anxious/nervous and guilty all since I told my mom I wasn't sure I could watch my little sister overnight or have her as a house guest so both my parents could take off work to be there for my older sister this morning. I've been sleeping terribly with pregnancy-related issues and knew having my sister over would only add more stress to me, stress I couldn't handle due to the way I've been feeling lately. I knew I made the right choice in even bringing up this concern to my mom but can't help but feel extremely guilty this week as I went through with it. I feel they're mad at me. Maybe that's just me, maybe not. I haven't heard anything from my family except 'we'll manage'...

"I think making mistakes is as inevitable as receiving disappointments." - Loretta Young Time for another confession. Along with many abuse survivors (and thrivers!) I have a hard time being openly upset or experiencing any other negative emotion in the presence of others. I feel it's time I shared why or even a little insight into how this has happened for me. (No worries, I'll be going back to write part 2 of living with no contact- practical rules to follow and hopefully some discussion with you all about what's worked and what hasn't worked in your experience.)  I want to touch on something that happened yesterday. So far DH and I have kept the gender a secret, except for telling my best friend (baby's adopted aunt). We finally told my immediate family the secret after a week or so of keeping it entirely to ourselves, with express concern for them not to tell anyone outside the immediate family for now as we weren't sure we wanted to rev...

Lately I've been pulling at random thoughts and trails in my mind, hoping to get at something I have yet to cover on this blog. I want to keep writing but may be turning more internally in the future- how my husband and I have gotten through this- how it's affected us each in our own way- helpful tips on being married to an ACoN or for the person with the family of origin that has the problem- to better understand their spouse and how they fit into the mix. DH and I have some big questions still unanswered. I'm not sure they ever will be answered. I thought to write them out here just the same. If you have insight or wish to say something, please feel free to comment as usual. It may just help me process everything a little better. Lately I've been stuck in the land of WTF- I know why sociopaths do what they do- I know they mean to do it- and yet I cannot fathom in my inlaw's response to this whole thing or their blind stupidity to see the truth. After all- how ...

Usually I find ultrasound images slightly disturbing. Especially when people say to look at their clump of cells and tell them it's an adorable baby. So I'm not going to do that. Unless you want to see.... lol Because I gotta admit my little one is darn cute. If you want to see a picture, go to my 'simply me' tab at the top of my blog page. I'll post it there. It's a boy! Still haven't 'come out' of the closet with the gender yet to many in my real life but wanted to share the news here. He's a happy and healthy little mover at a little over a pound right now. Growing big and fast! Next month I'm rounding into the 3rd trimester and cannot wait to have him and to hold him. It's been a hard pregnancy with morning sickness and just about every symptom in the books since day one. My heart is so full of love for this little guy already. Already falling for my number 2 man in my life. My hubby cried when we found out it was a boy. So happ...

Forgive ME if my theology is off here. I am no Bible scholar, nor do I claim any such insight other than an average reader of scripture. :) Luke 23:34  And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments. I know one can take pretty much any scripture and use it to manipulate and alter a meaning out of it. I hope I'm not doing that. I came across this verse the other day and a discussion which followed about what it meant and how it might be applied to the unforgivable and the abuse so many of us have faced in our lives and still struggle with, years after the fact. Jesus said everything for a reason. In my opinion he didn't mince words and didn't justify long-winded speeches. He said his piece and shut up, sometimes he said nothing at all. "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."- Proverbs 10:19. I've learned to never miss an opportunity to shut the heck...

Most abusers (even psychological and emotional abusers) won’t change and the proof of that is when they would rather abandon the relationship then treat you with respect and equal value. When they change YOU will be the first to know. They will want to work on the relationship. This is a very hard truth to look at when it comes to family. -Darlene Ouimet Tit for tat or feeding into the frenzy cycle is what I call this behavior. Some people assume treat others how you want to be treated is an accurate and fair way to deal with unfair circumstances and abuse from N's. "My husband's mother treats me like a bitch, so I decided to be mean back to her. She starts it. If she didn't act this way, I wouldn't- blah-de-blah." I've heard this only a few times in the in law cycle of crazy making. I think most people are too beaten down and afraid to react to their abusive family in this way, however for some animosity breeds contempt- and retaliation with equally ...

Ouch, that hurt Charlie- that really hurt.  Came across this image the other day and now I look at it almost daily.  Do I deserve an apology? Yes.  Do I need one? No.  The road to ultimate healing starts when you stop viewing yourself as a victim and start acting like a victor.  Only you can determine what you're going to be. 

One of my readers brought up a good point in a comment and I thought to address it here as well. What do you do when people try to blame their actions on their feelings- on their feelings towards you or other things in their life? 'He/she made me do this', etc. I see this again and again in dealing with narcissists. They are NEVER responsible for what they do. Ever. I recently watched a Dr. Phil show where a mother played every card in the N-book.  me me me  here's the link to anyone interested. It did make for good food for thought! It's so interesting to me to see the cards played out time and time again when people are hiding the truth of who they are or what they've done. Listening through this drama of daughters and their ( I believe) N-mother, I heard so many familiar trends I know my own in laws have used. Of course I'm sorry for how they FEEL- I wish I could make it better- I do not remember doing or saying that A general inability to take re...

Oh me of little faith in the narcissists! To think I actually believed for some time the lack of any contact over the holidays was the end of them. No, I haven't received any as of yet. But my eyes are opened and I am now preparing for a future onslaught of abuse that is undoubtedly heading our way. Maybe after the baby is born. Maybe when they realize we're not coming back to them out of a false sense of nostalgia given to us by the lack of their presence over the holidays. It's clear to me now that they are waiting for an opportunity to pounce, to send out the flying monkeys once more. This is only made clearer by the fact we received no contact from the monkeys either. I have a hunch I'm right in thinking they don't fly high without an N's bidding as they have no self-will of their own on that area. I think DH is in the proverbial 'time out' for his lack of contact. Little do they know this is the BEST gift they could have given us anyway. haha. ...