The calm before the storm

Oh me of little faith in the narcissists!

To think I actually believed for some time the lack of any contact over the holidays was the end of them. No, I haven't received any as of yet. But my eyes are opened and I am now preparing for a future onslaught of abuse that is undoubtedly heading our way. Maybe after the baby is born. Maybe when they realize we're not coming back to them out of a false sense of nostalgia given to us by the lack of their presence over the holidays.

It's clear to me now that they are waiting for an opportunity to pounce, to send out the flying monkeys once more. This is only made clearer by the fact we received no contact from the monkeys either. I have a hunch I'm right in thinking they don't fly high without an N's bidding as they have no self-will of their own on that area. I think DH is in the proverbial 'time out' for his lack of contact. Little do they know this is the BEST gift they could have given us anyway. haha.

And so- I'm preparing for more drama this year. They have no way of finding us but I wouldn't put it past them to simply drive all the way down and assume (wrongly) that DH will magically pick up the phone with the number that is discontinued. Or plan to go to the PO Box address and ask for our home one. Anything is possible when you're an N- you expect doors and windows to magically open to you because you are the king or queen of your little reality. How dare the peasants stand in the way!

As a result of the N's being on my subconscious- I had a nightmare last night about them. Thank you extremely-real pregnancy dreams! Ugh. I've been told you can control what you dream. Maybe. Maybe not. I certainly haven't experienced control over that area of my ID. My biggest fears are consistently something I dream of- going hand in hand with PTSD on a number of things - sexual abuse as well as the abuse I went through with the N's. Recurring dreams about the abuse or NEW abuse is common for me. I'm going to try to come up with an ending to the dreams where I am in control while I am awake. Maybe that will help if I dream of them again?

There's something so scary and uncertain with dealing from abuse from these people. I know they won't stop at anything- they haven't before- so why now? I wouldn't put it past them to use every means possible to get at me or DH or even our baby. As much as I have taken precautions this can't happen- a part of me still doubts if I've done everything I can in the face of such blatant disrespect for boundaries.

In some ways, it's a comfort to know you're right. To have fully researched and read about those with narcissistic personalities enough to know how they may act and predict what actions they may do in the future. It's a comfort to know as we go along with our no contact how they may respond- and usually DO respond. It means I'm right. It means they are toxic. It means I should have no regrets whatsoever in blocking them out of my life. I did the right thing.

If only there was a magical spray that would get rid of them like the insects they are. Coming out at dark and hiding in the closets. If only the rest of our lives could be N-free. N's are forever. Thankfully our response to them can be equally eternal. Resting in the simple truth that I now have control over whatever they can dish out.

Comments

  1. Glad you're prepared for a potential "Ambush" Gracie. I'd be planning on it. Psychob turned up on my doorstep a few yes. post-NC, several moves across several states LATER; she used PI's to track me down with depressing frequency. (You don't wanna know how I regard PI's.) I heard a knock at the door about 10:30 AM, opened it to find her already trying to get in my (locked) storm door on my day off (they were not predictable-I was unaware she had contacted my employer and already started a horrible smear campaign as well as conducting a terrible "Fact Finding Mission.") When I slammed the door in her face after saying, "You're both un-welcomed and uninvited" while standing in a hastily pulled on robe and hair-in-towel just out of the shower, she started screaming/crying like a banshee in my quiet suburban neighborhood as well as scratching a coin she pulled out of her handbag over all the windows of my home. I opened the curtains and with my phone in hand, yelled to her, "I'm calling the police NOW" and started dialing. She IMMEDIATELY ceased her BS Act and took off for her car and left. By the time the Troopers arrived, they could not locate her. YES, I would have had her arrested. She clearly mapped out an "Escape Route" prior to her Ambush and the Troopers thought she must have hit the interstate pronto.
    Lessons Learned: It's an ACT. They are SHAMELESS. They are out to destroy you in any and every possible way. WHO tries to destroy their "DD's" career (that she was recruited to) right out of undergrad? If they show up, call the Police immediately and INSIST on having them arrested. Don't allow fear of a "scene" intimidate you or be cause for embarrassment. The shame is THEIR'S. That is the *only* "authority" that may make an impact on them-temporarily. I can assure you, they're NOT DONE. Nothing less than total destruction of their "Beloved" will do.
    Wish I was exaggerating-I'm not.
    TW

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  2. Amen! I was shocked at your story, in all honesty. D: How terrible that happened. I do wonder the lengths at which the N's will have to go to find us. I don't doubt it. I do wish we were more than a day's drive away from them.
    Amazing how they can act like they don't know us at all or listen to us- but when we go no contact they suddenly remember everything about our lives we may have let slip to them at some point or other for tracking us down now.
    Short from a PI, I'm not sure how they would find us. DH has left explicit instructions at his work that they are not allowed to have any information he works there.
    they don't know where we live, don't know where we work and certainly don't have either of our phone numbers. I suggested DH change his email and block them as well since sometimes it can give away a part of town or locale if you're desperate enough to find out.
    It seems illogical that they would find us somehow but I don't put it past them.
    I hear you on the smear-campaign! My in laws tried to get me kicked out of school. Humiliating at the time! I felt terrible my superiors had to go through that with little knowledge of how bad the N's were because (of course) I never mentioned the way they were treating me. Sickening!

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