Abuse isn't an anger problem: it's a character problem

Today's ramblings are brought to you by pure hindsight being 20/20.

There's a LOT of misinformation out there about what you are most likely going through, I'm assuming if you read my blog you are going through something that most people can't comprehend because being married to and having NPD in laws isn't all that common, really.

There is a huge myth that abuse stems from anger. It does NOT. You cannot 'trigger' abuse by angering the person. Abuse is the CHOICE that the other person has made to react to you in an extremely inappropriate way.

Everyone gets angry. Furious even. Emotionally mature adults know when they have reached their limit and will remove themselves from the situation to avoid further confrontation. This does not happen in people with NPD. Their whole world revolves around themselves and they will not 'admit defeat' by leaving a situation when it escalates. Rather- they would stay and make utter asses of themselves using verbal abuse or even physical abuse to subdue a victim.

My point in writing this is to bring comfort to YOU as my reader. It's important to remember, it is not you. Every single person deserves to be treated with respect. The fact that you are/were abused by a narcissist does not in any way indicate your worth, your value. Nothing they do in anger reflects on YOU. After all, it is all about them.

You didn't cause the abuse. You just happened to be in the war path of an emotional tornado when a narc gets out of control. Which, honestly, can happen quite frequently because most have the emotional stability of a peanut.

xx much love. Be kind to yourself this holiday season.


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