Lessons Learned In Life


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I smell BS

Don't ya just love how N's phrase things? It's amazing how sweet and nice and considerate they sound. Even to themselves I suppose. Candy-coated poison. I was reminiscing about all the ways they tried to lure me in or lure me back or lure hubby back even when we had contact, albeit limited contact. NMIL told DH over the phone she wanted to make things better with me and apologize. Sounded sweet as can be. He agreed it'd be a good idea. Didn't tell me anything about this conversation. Lo and behold when WEEKS later I get an unexpected email in my inbox that must have taken less than a minute to type with her talons and send out officially. No apology whatsoever but 'I am sorry our relationship is not such that you would want us there to celebrate with you' on your bla-de-bla. Mind you, this wasn't even my birthday- they don't remember when THAT is- God forbid. I debated all of five minutes before deleting it and taking steps to delete HER account ...
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How to deal with flying monkeys

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As I mentioned in my last post, N's are really schoolyard bullies with carefully crafted armies of henchmen... I prefer to call them what many ACoN's do... flying monkeys. The image really is universal as very few people have never in their life watched The Wizard of Oz. Most of us can identify the mental image of a lime green witch sending out her troops when Dorothy and her friends are on their quest. Much the same can be said for N's. As an ex-ACoN or ex-victim, you probably are in search of simple things- sanity, peace of mind, physical and mental safety. Many of us are on a quest to find such things for ourselves after the abuse from the N's. But, like Dorothy and her pals, there will be obstacles along the path the N's set to trip us up and make us fall right back into their grasp.  N's hardly ever work alone. Take a look at many N family dynamics and you will often find there is at least one enabler (if not a silent majority) that seeks to be the...
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Divorcing a narc

Jesus. This has been one of the most painful years of my life and also the most complex. I lost him but I found myself and somehow that was everything. Like a true narc he has gone on a smear campaign to my friends, HIS psychiatrist he is supposed to be seeing for abusing me, and has also gone on a downwards spiral including but not limited to, being day drunk on his day with our son. NOPE. Even losing me, his family, everything we worked for- he has no appreciation or real remorse at his actions that have led us here. It hurts. All the work we put into staying together in spite of it all. Doesn't matter. Not when your spouse refuses to fight the narc within himself and, in time, grows more and more hard-hearted as they are. The downfall of our relationship wasn't abuse. Although that IS my reason for walking. It was his refusal to change, take responsibility and truly be a better man. It hurts that I wasn't enough. He would rather lose me and our family t...
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