Lessons Learned In Life


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TWENTY-ONE RULES OF NO CONTACT

*the below is an excerpt from, I  believe, Sister Renee Pittelli's works from Luke 17:3 ministries. As far as I can tell she is the origin of these rules specifically although I have seen many variations of them on different ACoN blogs and books. These rules I have found personally most helpful since the narcs in my life are my in laws and we do not live in the same town as them, making the P.O box an easy solution to our 'new address'* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear. 2. No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No "hearing them out." 3. No letting them into your house and No going to their house. If it is possible to move, then move, get a P.O. box, and don't let them know when or where you're going. 4. No phone calls and No returning voicemail messages. Change your numbe
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Just say 'no'

Really? Who knew standing up for myself would be so hard. After the last post I feel the need to write an update today. My older sister is out of surgery and all went well. After a guilt-ridden dream I had she passed away during the operation. I've been feeling hugely anxious/nervous and guilty all since I told my mom I wasn't sure I could watch my little sister overnight or have her as a house guest so both my parents could take off work to be there for my older sister this morning. I've been sleeping terribly with pregnancy-related issues and knew having my sister over would only add more stress to me, stress I couldn't handle due to the way I've been feeling lately. I knew I made the right choice in even bringing up this concern to my mom but can't help but feel extremely guilty this week as I went through with it. I feel they're mad at me. Maybe that's just me, maybe not. I haven't heard anything from my family except 'we'll manage'
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How to deal with flying monkeys

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As I mentioned in my last post, N's are really schoolyard bullies with carefully crafted armies of henchmen... I prefer to call them what many ACoN's do... flying monkeys. The image really is universal as very few people have never in their life watched The Wizard of Oz. Most of us can identify the mental image of a lime green witch sending out her troops when Dorothy and her friends are on their quest. Much the same can be said for N's. As an ex-ACoN or ex-victim, you probably are in search of simple things- sanity, peace of mind, physical and mental safety. Many of us are on a quest to find such things for ourselves after the abuse from the N's. But, like Dorothy and her pals, there will be obstacles along the path the N's set to trip us up and make us fall right back into their grasp.  N's hardly ever work alone. Take a look at many N family dynamics and you will often find there is at least one enabler (if not a silent majority) that seeks to be the
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