Lord forgive them
Forgive ME if my theology is off here. I am no Bible scholar, nor do I claim any such insight other than an average reader of scripture. :)
Luke 23:34
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
I know one can take pretty much any scripture and use it to manipulate and alter a meaning out of it. I hope I'm not doing that. I came across this verse the other day and a discussion which followed about what it meant and how it might be applied to the unforgivable and the abuse so many of us have faced in our lives and still struggle with, years after the fact.
Jesus said everything for a reason. In my opinion he didn't mince words and didn't justify long-winded speeches. He said his piece and shut up, sometimes he said nothing at all. "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."- Proverbs 10:19. I've learned to never miss an opportunity to shut the heck up.
And so why did Jesus choose to say this? At that moment? His reaction to many of the injustices and heart-breaking response of those crucifying him was not 'I forgive you' was not a simple uttering of the words we often feel so compelled to say when facing hardships, whether we mean it or not. Father forgive them. For they know not what they do.
It's tricky to deal with N's because of this. They know what they do-fundamentally. They know they hurt and abuse power over their victims. They enjoy it. But ultimately, do they really realize in their hearts the retribution they are creating for themselves? Probably not. N's live above the law. Above reproach. How shocking it will be for them when they finally do come before Christ in all their actions and realize it is THEM being judged, not them on the judgement seat. When they have no control over the eternal outcome of their lives of abuse and evil. Karma was never such a bitch as it will be for them on that day!
Yes, Jesus is technically the father he speaks of as well as the very in-the-flesh man who died that day. Keeping in mind that Jesus WAS God and could forgive at the drop of a hat- I feel it's important to realize his words here as maybe coming from a place deeper than we might at first think. I feel here that Jesus chose not to simply say 'I forgive you' but, 'father forgive them' because of his humanity at the point on the cross. Undergoing extreme persecution to the point of death and yet remaining on the cross for the entirety of the punishment. For being perfect. For being the son of God. For being entirely mortal in one mind-blowing moment of pure humanity in physical pain and death.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm onto something- but for me- this is very important when I think of forgiveness towards the seemingly unforgivable actions of abuse in my past. From the N's but also from the people who sexually abused me as a young girl. To those horrific actions that have left bitterness and hatred in my heart from day one. I have gained comfort in knowing- maybe I can't forgive them. But God can. Maybe I can't love them, but God can. Yes, they will face what is coming to them someday. For me it is so much easier to pray for forgiveness and love towards them that I don't have in myself. I may never have feelings of love and forgiveness towards them. But I can pray for God's love and forgiveness to cover that as it so seamlessly covers my own pain.
As much as N's know what they do- I am not entirely sure they realize the eternal retribution of their actions and that may make all the difference. As a dog returns to its vomit- so do these people return to their sin and abuse. I believe it breaks God's heart for them to go about treating others in this way. Victims he loves and covers with his love. It may not be entirely satisfactory for me right now- but I have found peace in being more child-like. In knowing my heavenly Father will deal with the bullies and abusers when he comes home. Some days that's really all I can do. Throw my hands up and say 'God forgives you and loves you- but I sure don't!'
The road to freedom is a rough one and I've found it to be a difficult journey. Grey areas and twists and turns all the way. I pray for wisdom I don't have as well as trust I don't have. More importantly though I think, it's good to forgive yourself for not being 'there' yet. I'm right with so many of us as I am unsure I will ever actually be at a place where I can forgive my abusers. Where I can actually say they don't owe me a cent. I'm just not sure that will ever happen. But I do know of love and forgiveness that is far greater than my own. I can pray for that to happen.
As a closing thought- have you ever wondered if you made the right diagnosis in your relationships with N's? I know I do. Temporary forgetfulness I suppose. Part of me wonders if it was really 'that' bad- if they really are the people I think they are. But I am never left hanging for long. They do something completely ass-hole-ish and I forget what I was ever doubting in the first place. I am thankful that N's make the same mistakes. Over and over again. That they really do return to their vomit because that's who they are. Without that classic sign of narcissism, it might be really easy to doubt myself through all this. Some days I am very thankful they prove themselves to be jerks over and over again. Someone once said stupidity is trying the same thing the same way, over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I couldn't agree more.
Luke 23:34
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
I know one can take pretty much any scripture and use it to manipulate and alter a meaning out of it. I hope I'm not doing that. I came across this verse the other day and a discussion which followed about what it meant and how it might be applied to the unforgivable and the abuse so many of us have faced in our lives and still struggle with, years after the fact.
Jesus said everything for a reason. In my opinion he didn't mince words and didn't justify long-winded speeches. He said his piece and shut up, sometimes he said nothing at all. "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."- Proverbs 10:19. I've learned to never miss an opportunity to shut the heck up.
And so why did Jesus choose to say this? At that moment? His reaction to many of the injustices and heart-breaking response of those crucifying him was not 'I forgive you' was not a simple uttering of the words we often feel so compelled to say when facing hardships, whether we mean it or not. Father forgive them. For they know not what they do.
It's tricky to deal with N's because of this. They know what they do-fundamentally. They know they hurt and abuse power over their victims. They enjoy it. But ultimately, do they really realize in their hearts the retribution they are creating for themselves? Probably not. N's live above the law. Above reproach. How shocking it will be for them when they finally do come before Christ in all their actions and realize it is THEM being judged, not them on the judgement seat. When they have no control over the eternal outcome of their lives of abuse and evil. Karma was never such a bitch as it will be for them on that day!
Yes, Jesus is technically the father he speaks of as well as the very in-the-flesh man who died that day. Keeping in mind that Jesus WAS God and could forgive at the drop of a hat- I feel it's important to realize his words here as maybe coming from a place deeper than we might at first think. I feel here that Jesus chose not to simply say 'I forgive you' but, 'father forgive them' because of his humanity at the point on the cross. Undergoing extreme persecution to the point of death and yet remaining on the cross for the entirety of the punishment. For being perfect. For being the son of God. For being entirely mortal in one mind-blowing moment of pure humanity in physical pain and death.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm onto something- but for me- this is very important when I think of forgiveness towards the seemingly unforgivable actions of abuse in my past. From the N's but also from the people who sexually abused me as a young girl. To those horrific actions that have left bitterness and hatred in my heart from day one. I have gained comfort in knowing- maybe I can't forgive them. But God can. Maybe I can't love them, but God can. Yes, they will face what is coming to them someday. For me it is so much easier to pray for forgiveness and love towards them that I don't have in myself. I may never have feelings of love and forgiveness towards them. But I can pray for God's love and forgiveness to cover that as it so seamlessly covers my own pain.
As much as N's know what they do- I am not entirely sure they realize the eternal retribution of their actions and that may make all the difference. As a dog returns to its vomit- so do these people return to their sin and abuse. I believe it breaks God's heart for them to go about treating others in this way. Victims he loves and covers with his love. It may not be entirely satisfactory for me right now- but I have found peace in being more child-like. In knowing my heavenly Father will deal with the bullies and abusers when he comes home. Some days that's really all I can do. Throw my hands up and say 'God forgives you and loves you- but I sure don't!'
The road to freedom is a rough one and I've found it to be a difficult journey. Grey areas and twists and turns all the way. I pray for wisdom I don't have as well as trust I don't have. More importantly though I think, it's good to forgive yourself for not being 'there' yet. I'm right with so many of us as I am unsure I will ever actually be at a place where I can forgive my abusers. Where I can actually say they don't owe me a cent. I'm just not sure that will ever happen. But I do know of love and forgiveness that is far greater than my own. I can pray for that to happen.
As a closing thought- have you ever wondered if you made the right diagnosis in your relationships with N's? I know I do. Temporary forgetfulness I suppose. Part of me wonders if it was really 'that' bad- if they really are the people I think they are. But I am never left hanging for long. They do something completely ass-hole-ish and I forget what I was ever doubting in the first place. I am thankful that N's make the same mistakes. Over and over again. That they really do return to their vomit because that's who they are. Without that classic sign of narcissism, it might be really easy to doubt myself through all this. Some days I am very thankful they prove themselves to be jerks over and over again. Someone once said stupidity is trying the same thing the same way, over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I couldn't agree more.
No. In fact, all the behavior post NC confirmed my perceptions repeatedly. NC was the single most life-affirming decision of my life and I've never regretted it.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, in my wandering around the AC world, I haven't found anyone else who questioned/regretted their their choice. If anything, they regretted they had not done it sooner.
TW