Confessions from the Fog

This is the question of the day. Maybe older, more experienced ACoN's will know what I mean when I say that. It's a secret to my personal life that I pretend a lot of feelings I don't have. Not so much anymore but USED to. When I was dealing with all the crap from the N's. Pretending things were okay was my defense mechanism to deal with utter chaos in my life. The out-of-control-ness that comes with being emotionally and mentally manipulated into believing you MUST live out someone else's version of your own life. Or else. After some introspection I really think this is what lies between me and recovery from the manipulation. Total honesty. Forgiving myself, letting myself off the hook for going along with their game. Shoot- I didn't know better. I didn't know I COULD. But now that I do, it's hard. It's hard to look back on what should have been happy, momentous occasions in my life that I spent sobbing behind closed doors. To come to terms with...

I've heard time and time again horror stories of people who have had their narc give them awful, awful presents. A box of food with the food gone bad or half eaten.... clothes with holes and dirt on them.... tampered with packages indicative of the narc's obvious regift. When ABIL and BSIL got married they gave DH a gift card (cheap by the way) that wouldn't even cover a dinner for the two of us. I suppose that's still better than the gift from ABIL to DH- another tiny gift card to a restaurant he knew full well DH disliked immensely. But maybe that doesn't even compare to the lack of any present for our wedding, the hoarding by them of a few wedding presents from OTHER family members who could not make it. (They still have these by the way) on top of a time share they weren't going to use that did us no good as we couldn't pay for travel to the spot. N's are notorious for giving bad gifts, gifts the receiver can't use or doesn't need. They m...

Let me set the scene. As a new mom I bear witness to a lot of other new moms (and old moms) and have seen the crazy-isms of the horribleness that is a momster at the start of ruining their child's life. Too harsh? Maybe but that's just my point of view. You can spot them in a crowd. The moms who are often dressed well, wearing the latest fashion, scrambling off after working all day to pick up their children from some expensive Montessori school or daycare. The women who LOOK like they have it all together. These are often truly miserable people behind closed doors. Today I witnessed a momster being petty and psycho- nothing new really- except this drastically changes the life of her little son. I'm not friends with her but I know her. She avoids me. I avoid her. Today I overheard what was actually going on in her life and wow- I know it's gossip- and I don't repeat gossip- so listen closely! ;) She fired her nanny and gave the nanny a good talking to as well....

from the N's no doubt. Who's with me? Sorry I haven't had much time to post. I won't go into my personal life but I can tell you my son is screaming as we fight yet another night of bedtime routine. Yippee. After the tot knocks out for good I'm opening a bottle of the girliest drink I could find in the grocery store and drinking a'plenty. Cheers to tonight's headache. Holidays come and go and come and go- but what makes the Christmas and Thanksgiving and Hanukkah season that much worse? I think a lot of that's to do with the N's stupidity. They're stupid enough to think their prey is sentimental for home this time of year- you know the rosy, loving, caring home they remember that never existed. I've been looking around every bush for the demons lately. Checking my rear-view mirror for a glimpse of something truly horrific amid the joy and gaiety of spending another holiday sans family. Tis the season, huh. The season to listen about...