Giving Yourself Permission

There is a common theme I see and have noticed in myself over the years. The need for permission! I feel so many readers come here or peruse other ACoN blogs to get the validation they need to let go. Deep down we're all damaged little kids at heart. We're all used to having authority figures telling us what to do and what not to do, so when it comes to something taboo (cutting out one's family) we seek validation our feelings are legitimate before doing what needs to be done for our own emotional and mental (even physical) health. I'm guilty of this as well.

Fact is, some of us get non-apologies from our narcs. This only leads to more confusion and guilt as we are supposed to 'play by the rules' and 'forgive' what often can't be forgiven. In the case of non-apologies, I like to refer to this post by my dear friend Sister Renee

Ultimately- what STARTS the whole moving forward process for ACoNs, is the permission we need to move forward with our lives without them! Here are a few things I've personally noticed when it comes to this:

Only YOU have the power. That's right- YOU can give yourself permission to live free from the horrors of your past. Abuse is abuse is abuse- no matter the kind, the healing always starts within yourself- the moment you give yourself permission to move forward and stop being a victim.

You will likely feel incredibly guilty, this isn't because you're doing anything wrong- but you are defying the pattern of 'forgiveness' that is so, so wrong but so prevalent in our culture. The mindset that something is wrong with US if we do not reconcile is huge- and hugely damaging to victims of abuse. Again, this is normal to feel since it has been ingrained in us since birth- especially those of us with enabling families.

No matter what you believe, you can call on higher powers to help you. I am not a very religious person but I do find scripture to be healing and true. For those of us with religious abusers, it can help to really read and understand what the gospel says about abuse and forgiveness. I highly recommend Luke 17:3 ministries as my friend there is MUCH more learned in the gospel than I am. To counteract abuse by 'religious' people- it will be so healing to you to soak in the truth of the gospel and how it is NOT the same gospel your abusers used against you!

Empower yourself. You deserve to live a life free of abusers and abuse! No matter how small they have made you feel, no matter how many nights you've cried yourself to sleep feeling worthless.... you deserve to be okay! It's hard to be ok with the people who have abused you still popping in and out of your life, it's okay to say no- close the door and be free of them.

To deny yourself permission to move on with your life without them- is to deny yourself the chance to really LIVE- to heal the hurt once and for all. You're not doing it to punish them, you're doing it for you and only you.

We can begin healing when we say, "I am not perfect- but I am NOT to blame. I am not God or a deity- I do not have the power to offer unconditional forgiveness. I have my own permission to move on with my life and I can choose to leave them out of it. I can't change my past- but I can change my future. I have the power to remove myself from the situation that is constantly hurting me."

I sincerely hope that this helps someone today!


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