Why I don't feel sorry for (most) alienated grandparents
I didn't realize just how big this syndrome could be. Complete with support groups and web pages galore, some of my personal favorites here:
http://www.aga-fl.org/
https://www.facebook.com/findmygrandparents
From arguing that cutting ties to biological family is 'erasing' a child's past, hence potential, etc. etc. it's clear to me that most of the people running or posting to these sites are absolute nutters.
As a side note, my heart does go out to the grandparents cut out by toxic children. It happens, I certainly don't promote that.
The genuinely concerned seem few and far between in these communities.
If you want to see how a narc talks, look no further!
"I am absolutely astonished how my adult child could cut me out after all I've done for them...."
"My daughter cut me out along with her loving husband of 20 years and now refuses contact with us both" (ummm just a hunch but could be because she was being abused and you are SIDING with her abuser)
"They're turning my grandchildren against me, especially the older ones" (well, could be because they know the truth and don't want contact with them on their own accord!)
I know I'm reading into this, but what are the odds?
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
HEALTHY ADULT CHILDREN DO NOT SIMPLY LEAVE HEALTHY FAMILIES OF ORIGIN.
They just don't.
I think you can find out if someone is genuinely nutso by actually knowing them and talking with them. My husband for example, in his 20-odd years of knowing his family, no one questioned his sanity, his mental stability or emotional state of mind. He was not one prone to violent outbursts or irrational thinking. He was always kind and caring.
And adult son who lavishes love on his family? That was him. He would have done anything for them and often did to repair the family name after nearly all his siblings went off on train wrecks getting criminal records.
A guy like him just doesn't abandon people, much less family.
And yet his family of origin, who oddly enough pushed the phrase "because we're family" on him all his life- lash out, cut him deeply- it's just so messed up.
I wish our lives weren't such a horrible train wreck in our pasts due to these people.
And yet people, when I explain why my narc in-laws are not in my life- say all the time that "You never know. Things could change."
And pigs could fly. It goes against nature.
http://www.aga-fl.org/
https://www.facebook.com/findmygrandparents
From arguing that cutting ties to biological family is 'erasing' a child's past, hence potential, etc. etc. it's clear to me that most of the people running or posting to these sites are absolute nutters.
As a side note, my heart does go out to the grandparents cut out by toxic children. It happens, I certainly don't promote that.
The genuinely concerned seem few and far between in these communities.
If you want to see how a narc talks, look no further!
"I am absolutely astonished how my adult child could cut me out after all I've done for them...."
"My daughter cut me out along with her loving husband of 20 years and now refuses contact with us both" (ummm just a hunch but could be because she was being abused and you are SIDING with her abuser)
"They're turning my grandchildren against me, especially the older ones" (well, could be because they know the truth and don't want contact with them on their own accord!)
I know I'm reading into this, but what are the odds?
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
HEALTHY ADULT CHILDREN DO NOT SIMPLY LEAVE HEALTHY FAMILIES OF ORIGIN.
They just don't.
I think you can find out if someone is genuinely nutso by actually knowing them and talking with them. My husband for example, in his 20-odd years of knowing his family, no one questioned his sanity, his mental stability or emotional state of mind. He was not one prone to violent outbursts or irrational thinking. He was always kind and caring.
And adult son who lavishes love on his family? That was him. He would have done anything for them and often did to repair the family name after nearly all his siblings went off on train wrecks getting criminal records.
A guy like him just doesn't abandon people, much less family.
And yet his family of origin, who oddly enough pushed the phrase "because we're family" on him all his life- lash out, cut him deeply- it's just so messed up.
I wish our lives weren't such a horrible train wreck in our pasts due to these people.
And yet people, when I explain why my narc in-laws are not in my life- say all the time that "You never know. Things could change."
And pigs could fly. It goes against nature.
I found when I went NC, the biggest problem was my parents trying to get access to my children. They didn't give two figs if they never talked to me again, but they wanted their claws hooked into my children. The irony? It was seeing what they were doing to my children (playing favorites and pitting one against the other, trying to turn them against me, etc.) that opened my eyes to the whole concept of Ns.
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