The Triangle Analogy

Maybe you're familiar with this analogy already. I have often seen this in relation to the college student. Well, hold onto your horses because I'm totally going to rock your world with a new analogy for dealing with N's. (not really, but if your world is indeed blown open- kudos to ya)

My triangle analogy- you can only pick two. Here are your options. 

- Mental and physical health 

- Your relationship with people you love and who love you (family/friends) 

-Your relationship with the N. 

But......
No. 

That's it. 

Now I will add that I only recommend this choice be made after boundaries have been tried. The true test of whether or not someone is a raving psychopath is if they are able to(or unable to) keep to boundaries in order to maintain any semblance of a healthy relationship. 

No? Well, then you have to choose. 

Orrrrr- you could live the rest of your life in the middle, where you are now (hypothetically). And I hope that works out for you.... 

Playing the victim card only hurts YOU, not the narc. 

YOU have the power to make your life what it is, and YOU can change it! If only for yourself. Sometimes we cannot expect others to go all out and go no contact with us, but hey- the drama in your life has been greatly lessened since you grabbed control of what you let into your life. 

On this subject, I have to say something about the children in these relationships too. If you are married to an N or share children with an ACoN not ready to say bye-bye to an abusive mommy and daddy- your first responsibility is both for yourself and your children. Will you subject them to abuse at the hands of their parent/grandparents? Even if the N is false-nice to your kids- do your kids see them putting you down? Do they hear the negative comments or hurtful remarks? Do they see the emotional manipulation happening? 

Children hear everything. And even young children know when mommy or daddy is upset. If they do not see you standing up for yourself, they might grow up to assume this is an okay relationship and *gasp* enter into the same relationship later on in life or worse- become like the N because that's all they know. 

Please don't let this happen. I usually save my parenting rants for my other blog (Simply Me) but I feel compelled to bring this up here too. I really think this relationship is part of a greater issue- a lack of self esteem in the spouse or parent- a lack of concern for what the children will see/hear/learn as normal- this disturbs me. 

I'll get off my soap box now ;) 

I dearly love you all and know you are ALL awesome and amazing people who have been through some extraordinary sh!t. You're all on my mind even as I take week-long breaks due to my hectic life. <3 - Gracie

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