Life in Rewind
Maybe the term 'rewind' is archaic at this point, but I have used it nonetheless ;)
Ever notice how N's tend to dwell in the past? I had heard of this but didn't start noticing it until more recently. It's another great way to tell the non-N's from the N's and flying monkeys. The latter group tend to lump happy memories together but always in the past. They talk about what has happened, what happened to someone else, decades or years ago. I think I've already mentioned this in a previous post but it bears repeating.
I think we all have a tendency to dwell on the past, but the difference for us non-N's is that we can look back, smile and then look ahead and move on with our lives. Happy memories are simply that, happy memories. We do not necessarily seek to re-tell these memories to anyone listening, to depict the obviously happy moment, the one where everyone thought you were so funny or smart or kind or beautiful. It's not necessary for us to share those things with others all the time, but N's? Well- decades ago might have been the last time someone actually said those things so of course they want to relive it. :P
Looking back excessively is also a way for them to avoid 'in the moment' thinking. When they look back at situations where time and lies have clouded their vision they can create just about anything from a seemingly ordinary memory. Going to get ice cream becomes a family tradition, that one time they had a piano recital is now the highlight of their childhood, etc. etc. And it goes on. It's easy to re-create the present, but for N's it's way easier to recreate the past. Especially for their adult children who may have been too young to remember the reality of these circumstances. Sugar-coating, web-spinning. After all "they couldn't possibly be so bad!" if they were the same people who did this and that. Right?
It's just another tactic to confuse the victim, to get them to question themselves and their sanity.
For ACoN's looking back at these memories, it's a tricky game not to be pulled into playing. Remember when? Yes, I remember when we went out that one time. But I also remember how she used to be inappropriate with my boy/girl friends. Remember that other time? Yes- but I also remember how they used to yell at me when I wouldn't look perfect. Fill in the blank.
Keep on your toes, watching your life story in rewind can be misleading. Or it can bring immense clarity. You decide.
Ever notice how N's tend to dwell in the past? I had heard of this but didn't start noticing it until more recently. It's another great way to tell the non-N's from the N's and flying monkeys. The latter group tend to lump happy memories together but always in the past. They talk about what has happened, what happened to someone else, decades or years ago. I think I've already mentioned this in a previous post but it bears repeating.
I think we all have a tendency to dwell on the past, but the difference for us non-N's is that we can look back, smile and then look ahead and move on with our lives. Happy memories are simply that, happy memories. We do not necessarily seek to re-tell these memories to anyone listening, to depict the obviously happy moment, the one where everyone thought you were so funny or smart or kind or beautiful. It's not necessary for us to share those things with others all the time, but N's? Well- decades ago might have been the last time someone actually said those things so of course they want to relive it. :P
Looking back excessively is also a way for them to avoid 'in the moment' thinking. When they look back at situations where time and lies have clouded their vision they can create just about anything from a seemingly ordinary memory. Going to get ice cream becomes a family tradition, that one time they had a piano recital is now the highlight of their childhood, etc. etc. And it goes on. It's easy to re-create the present, but for N's it's way easier to recreate the past. Especially for their adult children who may have been too young to remember the reality of these circumstances. Sugar-coating, web-spinning. After all "they couldn't possibly be so bad!" if they were the same people who did this and that. Right?
It's just another tactic to confuse the victim, to get them to question themselves and their sanity.
For ACoN's looking back at these memories, it's a tricky game not to be pulled into playing. Remember when? Yes, I remember when we went out that one time. But I also remember how she used to be inappropriate with my boy/girl friends. Remember that other time? Yes- but I also remember how they used to yell at me when I wouldn't look perfect. Fill in the blank.
Keep on your toes, watching your life story in rewind can be misleading. Or it can bring immense clarity. You decide.
My Ns didn't rewrite the distant past (not much, anyway), but they were masters of rewriting the recent past. For example, my NM loves to watch reality tv and talent competitions. She loves to pick certain contestants to hate, and forevermore, those contestants are evil and anything they say will be twisted. For example, if a judge asks a contestant the NM hates why that singer picked that particular song and the singer answers, "it was my favorite song the summer it came out", the NM would insist the contestant said, "None of your business" and then proceed to mock the contestant for what the NM fantasizes the contestant said. Or if a dancer dropped his partner, the NM will insist that was the best and finest performance ever seen on television and there was no dropping going on. Once I caught on to that, it was easy to see the way the NM twisted everyday events happening around her.
ReplyDelete