Being gentle with yourself
This topic is something I need to be better about in my own life, so I'm posting it here for others who may need to hear this as well. It really doesn't matter where you are in the ACoN journey, the facts remain the same. You have most likely been to hell and back again and might have multiple PTSD triggers from growing up in a home less-than ideal.
Most days I don't want to converse with society in any way, shape or form. Thankfully (or maybe it's a bad thing) I really don't have to so much anymore staying home with my LO. I've always been an introvert, but something about going through immense emotional trauma of an abusive relationship really takes people-fear to a whole new level. I find myself getting panicked when I feel slighted or attacked because being taken advantage of is all I've known. It's hard to react in a way normal people with non-abusive lives would react.
The phrase 'be gentle with yourself' I have heard directed towards those who self-harm or are on the road to recovery from an addiction. Essentially, the message is this. You will have bad days and that's ok. You will mess up and that's okay too. You are not perfect but you are worth it and you deserve to treat yourself with dignity as you wade through the mess.
Coming out of a fog or an abusive situation leaves us shell-shocked. We don't know where to turn or whom to talk to. We're not sure if we can even bring up what is on our minds because others won't understand. We're so desperately scared of it all happening to us all over again that we tend to shut off the outside world and replace it with the familiar.
I'm not going to give advice here, I'm just going to say I'm there with you. It's been years and I still don't know who I can trust- I have a terrible time making new friends because I always think they will end up hurting me and so I keep them at a distance. I avoid social situations where I have to interact with new people. I dread parties and get-togethers.
It's a terrible place to be at- but there it is. In a world that's been so, so harsh on us- we need to remember to be the kind of person we need.
Most days I don't want to converse with society in any way, shape or form. Thankfully (or maybe it's a bad thing) I really don't have to so much anymore staying home with my LO. I've always been an introvert, but something about going through immense emotional trauma of an abusive relationship really takes people-fear to a whole new level. I find myself getting panicked when I feel slighted or attacked because being taken advantage of is all I've known. It's hard to react in a way normal people with non-abusive lives would react.
The phrase 'be gentle with yourself' I have heard directed towards those who self-harm or are on the road to recovery from an addiction. Essentially, the message is this. You will have bad days and that's ok. You will mess up and that's okay too. You are not perfect but you are worth it and you deserve to treat yourself with dignity as you wade through the mess.
Coming out of a fog or an abusive situation leaves us shell-shocked. We don't know where to turn or whom to talk to. We're not sure if we can even bring up what is on our minds because others won't understand. We're so desperately scared of it all happening to us all over again that we tend to shut off the outside world and replace it with the familiar.
I'm not going to give advice here, I'm just going to say I'm there with you. It's been years and I still don't know who I can trust- I have a terrible time making new friends because I always think they will end up hurting me and so I keep them at a distance. I avoid social situations where I have to interact with new people. I dread parties and get-togethers.
It's a terrible place to be at- but there it is. In a world that's been so, so harsh on us- we need to remember to be the kind of person we need.
I've been taking yoga classes at a nearby studio. One class I take is a restorative class taught by a retired military guy who himself has PTSD. He stresses being good to yourself, and the class is such that practically anyone could walk in off the street and do every single pose he asks of us. Breathing deeply and evenly actually does cause a physiological reaction and defuses the flight-or-fight reflex. I've found it to be very helpful (got my own PTSD going on right now), and you might find it to be so, too. -- LuLoo
ReplyDeleteWhat a great class! Thanks for sharing :)
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