Be careful whom you trust!

This post is more of a PSA to help out anyone new to the world of being an ACoN- maybe your eyes were just opened or maybe something really traumatic has just happened to you to cause you to question your life up to this point. We've all been there.

The pain can be staggering. In our hurt we find ourselves opening up to people, people we think we can trust- only to find out we cannot trust them and to be screwed over doubly when this person is a. uncaring or b. disloyal, sharing our pain and suffering as a way of getting attention for themselves or worse- tooting out the tune of your awful event to willing ears and wider mouths in the guise of a prayer chain, probably a prayer chain for you to forgive the person. Hah.

Ok- I'm gonna go there just briefly. I really, honestly believe some things are too great for mere mortals to forgive. Period. What the N's did to me is unforgivable. I don't plan on opening my heart to them enough to do the f-word. And yes, I am at peace and have found I can live a pretty decent life without offering up myself on a platter to these dogs. End rant.

I remember the days, weeks and months I wanted people to listen. Anyone to listen! When you're that hurt and hardly anyone knows it, because 'they're family' it's easy to open yourself up to less-than-loyal ears. Please, please be careful whom you trust. Dear broken reader, I cannot begin to describe the amount of pain blindly trusting people to listen to my heartache without judging did to me in those times.

I encourage you to first find helpful groups or circles in which to comment and talk to others who have gone through similar things- I know there are many websites and thankfully, Facebook pages, where you can go to connect with similar victims and share stories in safety. Emerging from broken, Luke 17:3 ministries- these are just a couple resources I have found that are safety nets for those new ACoNs emerging from the fog and darkness of lives lived in fear of the N's.

As a side note- this PSA is brought to you by my eye-rolling as I once again clear out my friend's list and remember WHY I don't talk to some people anymore. :P I have found a 'pray for you to forgive them' person, a 'I don't see what they did as wrong' person and then some. Click. Delete. Block.


  1. Luke Ministries, Anna V's "Narcissists Suck," Kathy K's "What Make Narcissists Tick" are oldies bit goodies and I found a lot of excellent info at those sites, especially when I first started this on-line journey. (We didn't have internet in this remote area for several years.)
    "Click. Delete. Block." Yep. Of course, then you'll be accused of being "close minded" etc. Here's a Bit-o-Reality: ACoNS come fully equipped with a lack of Boundaries-we were not "allowed" to have any and this was inculcated from our earliest memories/experiences. ACoNS have turned themselves inside out trying to figure out and then implement Boundaries with their CB Family members, only to find Boundaries are anathema to CBs. (Mine viewed them as "Targets of Opportunity.") A determined CB will destroy your most carefully constructed Boundaries-if for no other reason than they don't "do" Boundaries. The AC ends up feeling like they somehow "failed" with this Boundary thing because if they did them "right," their Boundaries will "work." (According to the books and unfortunately, many of the Pro's.) So, they try harder-over and over again. They become more frustrated yet, feel like even *more* of a failure etc.
    Which brings me to the whole concept of Open vs. Closed Minds: ACs, especially when they first stumble upon various sites, Blogs etc. are wide open to information, tactics/techniques for dealing with their CB Family Members. They really, really want to make these relationships work-somehow. They jump through all kinds of Boundary hoops, Communication techniques etc., they hope, pray, read, contemplate, struggle until...the only option left is NC. And grieve, Mon Dieu, they're grieving a most unnatural type of grief; the metaphorical death of someone(s) who is still walking this earth and very likely engaging in a Slime and Malign Campaign, Recruitment Campaigns, "I Don't Have Any Idea WHY!!" assertions etc.
    sigh. This will likely be a very lonely road initially.
    The ability to "Click. Delete. Block" IMO is a demonstration of Boundaries-In-Action. They're a statement of, "I matter. My (years) of experiences have informed my decisions. I'm very clear about where you end and I begin: This is my No-Fly Zone."
    The best possible outcome in disagreements among adults is a willingness to agree to disagree.
    We are *only* one half of any relationship-although I'm less than certain we're even that much in a CB relationship. That's the half *we* are responsible for, the effort, not the outcome. Again, in my experience, the ability to agree to disagree is never a consideration when dealing with CBs: In the oft-repeated (hissed or screamed) words of my CB "mother," "You're either WITH me or AGAINST me!" So much for compromise, eh?! ;)
    Thanks for your "PSA Announcement," Ms.G-and CONGRATULATIONS in standing firm in your resolve to live your life free from on-going harassment, finger-wagging and just.plain.disrespect-and a form of covert abuse.


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