Sleep deprivation hell
The best piece of marriage advice I've ever received was one I didn't listen to.
"Never go to bed angry"
Really? Well it might work for some people but I find that oftentimes getting a good amount of sleep can greatly clarify any argument and hurt feelings. Sure, you can argue about how it's not healthy- but neither is fighting stupid.
New year, new times. DH and I have fought once majorly since the year began and I think it was really a result of us being overworked and underslept.
I think that's advice anyone can take to heart, whether you struggle with fights over ACoN things or not. Sometimes it's better to let it be and come back to a situation later when you're not so emotionally charged.
Another fair point I think many ACoNs suffer from is argument-related PTSD, which also makes it harder to come to an agreement after a fight. I know I find myself cringing at raised voices and, even though my mind knows the end result won't be the same, I find my entire body tensing up over tension and feeling sick to my stomach that maybe- just maybe- the fight might escalate to what I grew up with or what I experienced with the NILs. I'm sure many of you can relate. Being at the bad end of verbal, emotional or physical abuse scars you for life. It's incredibly hard to weed out what's a logical feeling and what's PTSD-related.
Back to my first point though, instead of continuing an argument, DH and I decided to stop fighting and get some shut-eye while LO slept. Best decision ever. I think if you struggle with being an ACoN or have PTSD, sometimes it's better to let a situation rest and come back to it later. Being a smart problem solver means knowing your own limits and when it's better to walk away temporarily. Being an ACoN means you've grown up with a whole lot of crazy- it's OK to take the time and space you need to process and give yourself a break when that awful PTSD creeps in.