It's in the past for a reason

Bad mom/good mom confessional- the other day I was so fed up with my son screaming in my ear- he's in the screamer stage and he shrieks for fun- not because he wants or needs anything. Which was ok. I tolerated it. Five hours later with a blinding headache I had to set him down in his room and walk away before I did anything I'd regret. Tough love, huh? I vaguely remembered something that one mom said helped her- in those times when you're overwhelmed and about to lose it- take out those baby books or photos and remind yourself of the whole picture. It worked! It definitely helped me keep my cool and keep a level head to go back in there and pick him up again- he wasn't always a newborn and he won't always be a seven month old- reminding myself of how fast he's changing really helped me in the moment.

While looking back can be a good thing, I think it can also be a very bad thing. Especially with regards to toxic family or friends or people who are family and friends-no longer. There comes a time when holding onto memories physically, though pictures and items- it does you absolutely no good. In fact, it can hinder you from moving forward.

Back in my dating years my best friend and I would purge each other's lives of the people who dumped us or duped us. No photo left behind! A complete and total wipe out commenced after a breakup. Pictures deleted or burned- things given away- physical items removed. All part of the process.

In some cases, it might help an ACoN to look back- think of all they have done to move on and how strong they have been- great! That's a good thing. But when the memories (even happy ones) are holding you back from moving on- it's no longer healthy.

My challenge this week/month- as we start this new year off together- spend some time thinking about the things you see/think about every day. Is there anything that missed the purge? If so- get rid of it!


  1. Aw, I remember those days, all right! What a good idea that is, to look at the baby photos. When I felt bad about hating those sleepless and other unpleasant aspects of childcare, I realized that nobody would be able to enjoy them or be happy about them, so that reduced some of the emotional stress for me.-- quartz


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