Oh the victim training....
I've noticed lately a LOT of people new to dealing with N's are struck by guilt- the thought that THEY are in fact to blame. That they WANT to blame themselves because of course, no one can be that insane as the N's can be.
Friends, we live in a culture that is very much into victim blaming. So much so that victims often don't come forward lest they are dismissed. Abusers are good at what they do and no one wants to stop them apparently. So to keep the peace, they blame the victims.
You shouldn't have been there.
You shouldn't have worn that.
You shouldn't have said that.
Because- you asked for it, right???
Then there are the little hints of blame that cut to the core....
Are you SURE you didn't ___ ?????
I can't believe so-and-so could do something like that!!
Was anyone else there??? (because obviously your word isn't good enough)
Really?!
Sorry but that just makes me extremely angry. In a world where we often heap guilt onto ourselves, it seems if we are really open and honest with others it just opens you up for more hurt, more guilt and more disappointment.
You CAN'T 'keep the peace' with a psychopath!
Seriously. Like the grizzly bear analogy I heard before- you can't expect to invite a bear into your home and expect it not to trash the place or injure you. To expect that is to go against the very nature of what they are- a predator. A hunter. A killer.
And N's are just that. Killers- they kill and hunt down your very self worth and put an end to it. They feed on our insecurities and look for 'chinks' in the armor to strike a low blow at us when we're down. Because they're just that miserable.
To be strong requires a great deal of introspection. This holiday season be on the lookout for victim-blaming and avoid it! Life is far too short to be blaming yourself for the faults and utter psychotic behavior that is entirely another person's problem. I say, kick em to the curb and move on. You can hug a grizzly all you want but that won't make it a teddy bear. :P
Friends, we live in a culture that is very much into victim blaming. So much so that victims often don't come forward lest they are dismissed. Abusers are good at what they do and no one wants to stop them apparently. So to keep the peace, they blame the victims.
You shouldn't have been there.
You shouldn't have worn that.
You shouldn't have said that.
Because- you asked for it, right???
Then there are the little hints of blame that cut to the core....
Are you SURE you didn't ___ ?????
I can't believe so-and-so could do something like that!!
Was anyone else there??? (because obviously your word isn't good enough)
Really?!
Sorry but that just makes me extremely angry. In a world where we often heap guilt onto ourselves, it seems if we are really open and honest with others it just opens you up for more hurt, more guilt and more disappointment.
You CAN'T 'keep the peace' with a psychopath!
Seriously. Like the grizzly bear analogy I heard before- you can't expect to invite a bear into your home and expect it not to trash the place or injure you. To expect that is to go against the very nature of what they are- a predator. A hunter. A killer.
And N's are just that. Killers- they kill and hunt down your very self worth and put an end to it. They feed on our insecurities and look for 'chinks' in the armor to strike a low blow at us when we're down. Because they're just that miserable.
To be strong requires a great deal of introspection. This holiday season be on the lookout for victim-blaming and avoid it! Life is far too short to be blaming yourself for the faults and utter psychotic behavior that is entirely another person's problem. I say, kick em to the curb and move on. You can hug a grizzly all you want but that won't make it a teddy bear. :P
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