2 years later

The other day my husband and I had a brutally honest conversation about where we are since ancient history- or whatever happened 2 years ago that sent us on this fiasco.

But first- kudos to us! 2 years of no contact. It's been real. ;)

Anyway, back to the main topic. I have a hard time trusting my man, we had a fantastic relationship up until his brother's wedding disaster. He made bad decisions and hurtful ones and really backslid into losing his dignity, respect and self-awareness he had up to that point. I know it will take us years ahead to work through all the crap we've gone through- but it can be done. With no contact. That's why I'm not keen on beginning any sort of relationship with anyone who even reminds me of the N's.              

It's been two years. Two long, hard, terrible years, but things are starting to look up at long last. And I realize marriages aren't made in years or decades, but in daily choices to start afresh and to help each other out. To create a new, loving home out of all the broken. I'm holding my breath but it feels like we're finally getting out of the horrible rut we've been stuck in for so long. Maybe time is the distance we needed to put between us and what started this whole crap shoot.


Comments

  1. Your last sentence? There it is. Individually and as a couple you've both undergone huge personal transformations over these last two years. Please don't underestimate how challenging these truly have been and continue to be. Yes, over time everything changes. But time alone isn't enough-it's a necessary but not sufficient cause. Facing reality translates into far more than talking the talk-and yeah, a lot of ACs seems to be very proficient at doing exactly this only. And endlessly. And of course, nothing changes.

    After awhile I think to myself, "You're no longer a 'victim.' You're a volunteer." They continue to expose themselves and/or their kids to their self-described CB (Cluster B or Crazy Bitch/Bastard, take your pick) NPs/ "Gpts" and extended CB "family" and then expound endlessly about how horrid their lives are. Well, what would you expect? Here we are, a coupla years later, seasons pass, mold grows aaanndd....*nothing has changed.* You can know everything there is to know about a phenomena. Obtuse UNWILLINGNESS to apply these Realities to YOUR situation doesn't evolve because you're "Special." Nothing has changed because the AC refuses to ACT ON THEIR OWN KNOWLEDGE, MORAL AGENCY AND INSTITUTE STEPS IRL TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILY. They are exercising their "Choice:" To contemplate their navel endlessly, re-interate how "Special" their "Situation" is and demanding everyone else "respect" their "Process." What "Process?" They're mired in their muck because they are CHOOSING to remain there. I don't respect WILLFUL IGNORANCE regardless of how may buzz words the AC endeavors to use to dress up their lack of Practical or Moral Agency. No amount of "PC" can substitute for accepting Reality and taking action. IMO, ACs aren't doing one another any favors by leaving another AC endlessly engaging in their self-perpetuating circle jerk-for YEARS.

    You are actually walking the walk: THAT'S what makes all the difference. FWIW, that's why I not only read your Blog, I respect you. You're one of the few that tells it like it is and acts on what you know to be Right, Just and True. You're honest, a person of integrity and have faced every challenge head-on. What's not to respect, Ms. G? You're an excellent Role Model for ACs.
    TW

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  2. Aww thanks, TW. You're totally the mom figure I never had ;) I really appreciate it! <3 -Gracie

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