Why being 'the good wife' isn't good enough
Ever notice the amount of pressure put on women today to be it all? Mommy, housewife, working mother, companion and above all... sanity-giver?
haha. Well- it's true. And if you're a Christian- the expectations for a good wife are exponentially larger. Although the divorce rate among religious people is seemingly just as high as among non-spiritual couples- Christian women today face a huge mountain of ego when simply living an assertive lifestyle. Men just aren't used to assertive women- especially men from religious backgrounds.
The lie many women believe is this: to be a good wife you're job is to be the ideal giver of needs to your husband. Many women sacrifice themselves daily for their children and spouse- by giving of themselves they find worth, value and often happiness. Don't get me wrong. I love doing things for my man when I am able. I'm sure I'll love to do things for my child as well. But part of the relationship of a giver- a companion - especially in marriage is this- it is NOT your job to stroke your husband's little ego. Okay- now you can come at me with a pitchfork.
Guys- humans in general- need uplifting as much as the rest of us. BUT- they do not need to be lied to over and over again. The fact is being a good wife is never going to be good enough. When facing toxic family or in laws or drastic situations in which your husband HIDES things from you- yes, hides- I see this over and over again...... a woman is actually hurting herself by swallowing her own needs and giving into the expectation that to be a good wife she must lie to her husband, she must shove down her own intuition about whether a situation is BAD to be a part of and remain his 'help-meet' (I hate that word). If your best friend was doing something incredibly stupid that would have ramifications for generations to come- wouldn't you tell them? Why then are some women so against standing up for what's right against their own spouse?
I know I'm going against a lot of things here, but I can only speak from personal experience. I'm still married. Happily so for the most part. I refuse to give in and be told lies by my man to assuage my own feelings of fear about a situation. When he tried talking to me in a 'how dare you' sort of way back when he falsely believed his family was loving and caring- I shut him down. I'm glad I did. When he tried to hide things from me you better believe I raised hell. I didn't pat his head and say 'it's okay DH, you can do this with our finances' or 'you value your family so much, I guess I'll have to go along with their plans this time'. Oh hell no.
It is NOT a wife's job to be a martyr to her husband's selfish ambitions. If something is pulling the relationship apart, one party is not supposed to 'go along with it' because of what.... the fear of divorce? Well girl, if all that's stopping you from having a divorce is your self-sacrifice to please your husband for years on end in this area..... what kind of marriage do you have? Certainly not a healthy one.
And so here's my closing point- in a healthy relationship or marriage the wife (or the husband) cannot give into stroking their spouse's ego by remaining silent as bad choices are made that put the whole family in line for demolition. Being the good spouse isn't good enough because it overlooks the need of the helper- the one whose family are not the troublemakers- to an advocate. Your spouse has a cheerleader in you already. But who is speaking up for you or your family should bad decisions be made. Your children? Who is looking out for them? As a parent you are at least half responsible for the drama and choices you let into your child's life. Don't be passive in letting evil near them. Don't be passive about letting evil be done to you by others. Ultimately, it is true that how we treat ourselves is how others see to treat us. If you're not going to stand up for yourself- who will?? Becoming a martyr to 'save' a marriage is so last century. Don't fall into the trap of thinking your silence will accomplish anything.
haha. Well- it's true. And if you're a Christian- the expectations for a good wife are exponentially larger. Although the divorce rate among religious people is seemingly just as high as among non-spiritual couples- Christian women today face a huge mountain of ego when simply living an assertive lifestyle. Men just aren't used to assertive women- especially men from religious backgrounds.
The lie many women believe is this: to be a good wife you're job is to be the ideal giver of needs to your husband. Many women sacrifice themselves daily for their children and spouse- by giving of themselves they find worth, value and often happiness. Don't get me wrong. I love doing things for my man when I am able. I'm sure I'll love to do things for my child as well. But part of the relationship of a giver- a companion - especially in marriage is this- it is NOT your job to stroke your husband's little ego. Okay- now you can come at me with a pitchfork.
Guys- humans in general- need uplifting as much as the rest of us. BUT- they do not need to be lied to over and over again. The fact is being a good wife is never going to be good enough. When facing toxic family or in laws or drastic situations in which your husband HIDES things from you- yes, hides- I see this over and over again...... a woman is actually hurting herself by swallowing her own needs and giving into the expectation that to be a good wife she must lie to her husband, she must shove down her own intuition about whether a situation is BAD to be a part of and remain his 'help-meet' (I hate that word). If your best friend was doing something incredibly stupid that would have ramifications for generations to come- wouldn't you tell them? Why then are some women so against standing up for what's right against their own spouse?
I know I'm going against a lot of things here, but I can only speak from personal experience. I'm still married. Happily so for the most part. I refuse to give in and be told lies by my man to assuage my own feelings of fear about a situation. When he tried talking to me in a 'how dare you' sort of way back when he falsely believed his family was loving and caring- I shut him down. I'm glad I did. When he tried to hide things from me you better believe I raised hell. I didn't pat his head and say 'it's okay DH, you can do this with our finances' or 'you value your family so much, I guess I'll have to go along with their plans this time'. Oh hell no.
It is NOT a wife's job to be a martyr to her husband's selfish ambitions. If something is pulling the relationship apart, one party is not supposed to 'go along with it' because of what.... the fear of divorce? Well girl, if all that's stopping you from having a divorce is your self-sacrifice to please your husband for years on end in this area..... what kind of marriage do you have? Certainly not a healthy one.
And so here's my closing point- in a healthy relationship or marriage the wife (or the husband) cannot give into stroking their spouse's ego by remaining silent as bad choices are made that put the whole family in line for demolition. Being the good spouse isn't good enough because it overlooks the need of the helper- the one whose family are not the troublemakers- to an advocate. Your spouse has a cheerleader in you already. But who is speaking up for you or your family should bad decisions be made. Your children? Who is looking out for them? As a parent you are at least half responsible for the drama and choices you let into your child's life. Don't be passive in letting evil near them. Don't be passive about letting evil be done to you by others. Ultimately, it is true that how we treat ourselves is how others see to treat us. If you're not going to stand up for yourself- who will?? Becoming a martyr to 'save' a marriage is so last century. Don't fall into the trap of thinking your silence will accomplish anything.
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