The best news I've had all year

.... came from my therapist. To those who don't know I've been seeing a new therapist for about a month now. My spirits were incredibly lifted when she told me during our last session that I was at the point where I was going to be able to put the past with the N's behind me and move on. I hadn't thought about being 'ready' for this big step before but thinking on it- I am ready. I have no idea how I've gotten to this place but it's a good place to be at. Maybe it's the constant retelling of the saga to so many people over the past year. The blogging I've done to rid my mind of the negativity. The counter-acting truths I try to keep in my mind when fears and doubts creep in. Nevertheless, it's been a long hard struggle and I'm finally at the brink of letting go. My hope with my therapist is to get my new life to be the new normal for me. To NOT focus on the land of never-will-be and on the land of what-really-is. To accept our family is going to look different, to avert the blame of having no family from myself to the people who made it impossible to have family in our lives.

It's still hard.

Little things fall through and make me feel anxious all over again. As far as taxes go, DH will have to contact his family if he wants off the plan as the plan was set by them and can only be changed by them. So- I have no doubt we may never be able to get off the K1 in any way. I'd be shocked if he were able to. Still- miracles can happen. Maybe in their minds letting him off the plan will be punishment and perhaps have him going back for more since we'll lose incoming money in the end. Maybe in their materialistic world they will not realize we don't need them to survive. I pray we are able to be free of them. If not- I shamefully admit I pray for their death and subsequent freedom from the K1.

In doing some final checks on the safety of our new place in relation to the N's, I was horrified to know that DH's name is listed as the property owner on our county auditor's site and we are unable to take this information down since it is public record. All one needs to know to access this information is the city/county in which we live and DH's name. A simple google search brings up where we live, a map of the area and even pictures of our establishment. Unless we are police or in the political eye in some way- we cannot have this information removed from the public. This is the major loophole in our no contact plan of others having no way to tell where we live. Will they find out? Probably. Their selective minds and impaired reasoning leaves little to the imagination where encroaching on our lives is concerned.

It's hard being pregnant and realizing they don't give a crap about DH or the baby. Much less me but I already threw that thought away months ago. I never knew it was possible til now for people to be so two-faced. To say one thing and blatantly do another. It's harder when surrounded by those with in laws who care and love them and shower the new baby with gifts. To have no shower to go to where there will be family supporting us. It's hard being around mommy-materialism that is so rampant in this culture. It's hard to get everything second hand and do without and pray to God something happens to help us out. It's hard to cut the heat when it's still cold outside.

Regardless- it gets better. And that's the best news of all. It does get better. When you're willing to cut them completely out and move on- you really can be free. The truth of who they are will set you free. And if you need constant reminding never to go back to the N's in your life- don't worry- there will be plenty of such reminders along the way. These people have a way of proving themselves to be jerks over and over again. To all my readers out there- stay safe. stay informed. stay away. Tell the truth even if it's only to yourself. Blog, write, journal. Get your story out there. The peace of a life without drama is within reach so long as you're willing to go the distance and do what it takes to reclaim your life.

(apologies if this post is disjointed. I've been hit by the end of pregnancy exhaustion and have a constant urge to hibernate until the baby is born ;) On the upside it's looking like he will be here next month or early June!)


  1. RE: T: That *is* good news, Ms. G. Congrats! Lots of hard work there, no doubt.
    RE: "Finding" You: The reality is, anyone who is intent on finding you will. Long before technology/internet etc. Psychob used her significant financial assets to hire PIs to "find and stalk" me. So yes, despite your best efforts you can be found. You've done all you can for self-protection. The only thing that's really changed is now you have some information you didn't have previously, yk?
    In terms of the business (or life in general with these freaks) the way to ensure you'll never get what you want or need from an NP is do something as mundane as ask for it. sigh. Let the games begin. I'm hoping sometime before next tax time, you can find an attorney to write the NPs a letter terminating the "business relationship." Please don't suggest DH contact them himself-that's just an invite for disaster, IMO. Third party Professional communication only in the event it is imperative. Having an attorney write a letter will cost less than a simple Will.
    I know it would be great to have lots of new things for the baby, Ms. G. But they grow sooo quickly! And what they need most can't be purchased: Unconditional love. You and DH have more than enough for your child right there. Please take care and rest as much as possible. Not much longer now! ;)


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