It's flying monkey season
Shoot at will cause those suckers seem to be everywhere. I guess the major positive thing about dealing with N's for a while is that you learn to be one step ahead of them. I feel the N's have reached the last stage in their pity party- I really don't know how many more monkeys they'll send before they get tired of BS-ing us and make an attempt to 'right' the 'wrongs' against them in person.
Remember last year's tax fiasco followed by DH's car title fiasco? Yeah. Well- at least the tax lovely attachment follows us every year with a lovely sticky K-1 to keep DH permanently tied down to the family until their imminent death. This year at least he got the documentation on time. Not from a family member, not immediate family, oh no- from an uncle. Someone I've never met but works with NFIL- someone DH has said had his own fight with NFIL, moved to another state and is now back in the family fold of the company. This monkey was sent along to pass the information on to DH and inform him that his family was 'very sad'. I had a few choice words about this supposed sadness but DH replied with nothing much- basically stating he has no regrets and is doing his best to make sure our lives are very happy here. I'm sure the N's wanted to hear an 'I'm very sad, too' or something of the kind. I feel anything BUT knowing DH was hurting over losing them will send them into a real funk. The real progress here was that DH told me he didn't care if his family was sad. And was a bit relieved when I assured him they weren't.
Another development is we got a veryyyy belated Christmas gift from his grandma- a few hundred dollars that we put straight to the larger purchases for our baby. Good news on that end at least- we really needed the money and it was the only gift we received from any of them to cover the holidays, our anniversary and my birthday- not to mention hubby's coming up soon. Glad we used the money to put towards a better future for our son!
All this combined really has shed light for me on one thing. When his parents found out about the baby via some third party- they wanted to send us gifts and wanted our address. Well- I called BS from the get-go and we gave them no address. However we gave everyone else in the family our P.O. Box so they have it for sure. The fact is- and the lack of present make that clear to me- they never wanted to send us anything. If they really really did from the bottom of their black little hearts they could have. They wanted to know where we lived, wanted our home address. Nothing more.
On a positive note- the N's can't keep it up forever and they know it. (or they soon shall- they always think they're brilliant but their ploys are really so elementary in mindset) DH has a good reputation all his life, it won't be long before people are genuinely wondering why or even how he could change into the monster son overnight. Why they're not being ideal grandparents, etc. I feel the story can only go so far before they start looking suspicious to outsiders. Well- hopefully. Hopefully someone else will see a red flag and get the heck out of their lives before the N-bomb goes off on them, too.
Another realization is that DH thinks NBSIL was also the subject of abuse before us- but she caved as is her N-bitch way and is now in the family fold enlisted with the best of them. We were next. Looking back it's clear how that was set up from the start to fail regardless of the situation or couple. Anyone risking the family circle of hate would be expelled like the danger they were to the rest of them.
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With all that being said- onto my family. Never thought I'd have to split a post to separate one drama filled family from another, but here it is.
I feel far removed from anything in my family lately. It's my sister's birthday today- I wished her well and was planning on giving her a gift later this month when we could get together. I suppose she is recovered well enough from her surgery because she informed me she was going out to lunch with my parents I suppose, didn't invite me, but DID invite me and hubby to be at my parent's house on the dot to have cake before she left for her apartment on the other side of town. Not a definite time- but kind of - I'll be here when I'll be here- catch me if you can or I won't see you today. Very much like her. Right up her ally way of informing me or anyone what she's doing and expecting my day to be free. Not to mention I've been feeling poorly this pregnancy and DH has work at his second job all weekend.
Stark contrast from her birthday expectations to mine. She gave me a gift weeks after my birthday, too I believe. Never wished me anything on the day-of and left it at that. I hope she was genuinely trying to include me today but as usual, left it to last minute. She's pretty thoughtless. God forbid she ever watches the baby. She's the kind of person who would leave him on top of the car like a coffee cup and drive off....
I've been watching the boundaries like a hawk. Somewhat disturbed that someone will see me in public or show up at my doorstep someday when I'm least expecting it. I hate living in the same town as all of them.
As for personally, I now have prenatal depression and am exhausted while my doctor fiddles around with the dose of my anxiety medication causing me to go through another dizzy phase until my body adjusts. So. Not. Fun.
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All in all- flying monkeys are up and at 'em again. I feel N's go through a cycle of monkeys. They'll use one at a time and then finally bring in the reserves (hence us hearing from this uncle we've never heard from). Probably a peace offering in a timely manner of the tax form this year instead of the hell they put us through last year. To make them look sane- to make them appear to have their sh*t together. So when they do make a final bull-rush attempt to get into our lives or into the delivery room others may understand and be sympathetic to their charade. It's cute- really. They think they can win. Oh N's- I've only started to get rid of you. Like pests I intend to do check ups to make sure the boundaries are intact and kill any trespassers.
Remember last year's tax fiasco followed by DH's car title fiasco? Yeah. Well- at least the tax lovely attachment follows us every year with a lovely sticky K-1 to keep DH permanently tied down to the family until their imminent death. This year at least he got the documentation on time. Not from a family member, not immediate family, oh no- from an uncle. Someone I've never met but works with NFIL- someone DH has said had his own fight with NFIL, moved to another state and is now back in the family fold of the company. This monkey was sent along to pass the information on to DH and inform him that his family was 'very sad'. I had a few choice words about this supposed sadness but DH replied with nothing much- basically stating he has no regrets and is doing his best to make sure our lives are very happy here. I'm sure the N's wanted to hear an 'I'm very sad, too' or something of the kind. I feel anything BUT knowing DH was hurting over losing them will send them into a real funk. The real progress here was that DH told me he didn't care if his family was sad. And was a bit relieved when I assured him they weren't.
Another development is we got a veryyyy belated Christmas gift from his grandma- a few hundred dollars that we put straight to the larger purchases for our baby. Good news on that end at least- we really needed the money and it was the only gift we received from any of them to cover the holidays, our anniversary and my birthday- not to mention hubby's coming up soon. Glad we used the money to put towards a better future for our son!
All this combined really has shed light for me on one thing. When his parents found out about the baby via some third party- they wanted to send us gifts and wanted our address. Well- I called BS from the get-go and we gave them no address. However we gave everyone else in the family our P.O. Box so they have it for sure. The fact is- and the lack of present make that clear to me- they never wanted to send us anything. If they really really did from the bottom of their black little hearts they could have. They wanted to know where we lived, wanted our home address. Nothing more.
On a positive note- the N's can't keep it up forever and they know it. (or they soon shall- they always think they're brilliant but their ploys are really so elementary in mindset) DH has a good reputation all his life, it won't be long before people are genuinely wondering why or even how he could change into the monster son overnight. Why they're not being ideal grandparents, etc. I feel the story can only go so far before they start looking suspicious to outsiders. Well- hopefully. Hopefully someone else will see a red flag and get the heck out of their lives before the N-bomb goes off on them, too.
Another realization is that DH thinks NBSIL was also the subject of abuse before us- but she caved as is her N-bitch way and is now in the family fold enlisted with the best of them. We were next. Looking back it's clear how that was set up from the start to fail regardless of the situation or couple. Anyone risking the family circle of hate would be expelled like the danger they were to the rest of them.
_________________________________________________________________________________
With all that being said- onto my family. Never thought I'd have to split a post to separate one drama filled family from another, but here it is.
I feel far removed from anything in my family lately. It's my sister's birthday today- I wished her well and was planning on giving her a gift later this month when we could get together. I suppose she is recovered well enough from her surgery because she informed me she was going out to lunch with my parents I suppose, didn't invite me, but DID invite me and hubby to be at my parent's house on the dot to have cake before she left for her apartment on the other side of town. Not a definite time- but kind of - I'll be here when I'll be here- catch me if you can or I won't see you today. Very much like her. Right up her ally way of informing me or anyone what she's doing and expecting my day to be free. Not to mention I've been feeling poorly this pregnancy and DH has work at his second job all weekend.
Stark contrast from her birthday expectations to mine. She gave me a gift weeks after my birthday, too I believe. Never wished me anything on the day-of and left it at that. I hope she was genuinely trying to include me today but as usual, left it to last minute. She's pretty thoughtless. God forbid she ever watches the baby. She's the kind of person who would leave him on top of the car like a coffee cup and drive off....
I've been watching the boundaries like a hawk. Somewhat disturbed that someone will see me in public or show up at my doorstep someday when I'm least expecting it. I hate living in the same town as all of them.
As for personally, I now have prenatal depression and am exhausted while my doctor fiddles around with the dose of my anxiety medication causing me to go through another dizzy phase until my body adjusts. So. Not. Fun.
_________________________________________________________________________
All in all- flying monkeys are up and at 'em again. I feel N's go through a cycle of monkeys. They'll use one at a time and then finally bring in the reserves (hence us hearing from this uncle we've never heard from). Probably a peace offering in a timely manner of the tax form this year instead of the hell they put us through last year. To make them look sane- to make them appear to have their sh*t together. So when they do make a final bull-rush attempt to get into our lives or into the delivery room others may understand and be sympathetic to their charade. It's cute- really. They think they can win. Oh N's- I've only started to get rid of you. Like pests I intend to do check ups to make sure the boundaries are intact and kill any trespassers.
DH is making progress with his FOO in that he's not falling into any traps, verbal provocations etc. The tax situation is unfortunate but it indicates to me it was set up this way to ensure his NFOO could keep their hooks in there. Don't tell me that wasn't premeditated and intentional. (snort) NBSIL doesn't have the backbone-or integrity-you do and has decided to sign on with the crazy, aka, "The NBlob" (or NMob, take yer choice!) Methinks you are correct, Ms. G: You and DH can be certain you're gonna be treated to an in-person ambush, likely at your home. I think it'll be your family that'll pull this first. I hope you have storm doors and keep 'em locked. Love how you side-stepped your sister's "invite!" Betcha Mummy-Dearest was behind that suggestion (aka demand.)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're aware depression is the biochemical flip side of anxiety-not that knowing this makes it any easier to live with. Yk, Ms. G., I DO wish more expectant Mommys would be honest about their pregnancies: It ISN'T all this "glowing" and "blossoming" stuff by any stretch (mark.) Many women really have, well, rotten pregnancies in terms of how they feel both physically and mentally/emotionally. But it's like there's some sort of societal imprecation about these realities and it seems to keep the mom's from feeling free to say, "This sucks." Or if they do, it's just blown off like no big deal. Well, it IS a "big deal" if it's your life and it certainly doesn't mean you're not excited/happy etc. You are-but you'll also be glad to bring that little life into this world and get back to owning your own body. Not only is each woman different, but each of their pregnancies are different as well. And for someone like you who's enjoyed good health, has always been very active, living day in/day out with very real symptoms that prevent you from doing many of the activities you like to do or want to do is a huge change and challenge. I sincerely hope you're not beating up on yourself for not doing as much as *you* think you "should" be doing. For now, all's you really "have to do" is "incubate:" Put your feet up, rest to the extent possible, cat-nap when ever you can. FWIW, my BFF-another, ah, "antique"-told me years ago and still reminds me, "TW, I HATED being pregnant! It was AWFUL! I was sick all the time, I would cry at the drop of a hat and be laughing two minutes later AND I felt like a whale AND I looked like one!" She's short, so yeah, she did look rather...large and uncomfortable and yes, she was bitchy. Who wouldn't be?!
Frankly, your older sister's surgery really wasn't a big deal-it's a very common medical issue and very common procedure particularly for an otherwise healthy woman. It's done here as an out-patient procedure.
So lock the doors, batten down the hatches, get on the couch and try to get comfortable, Ms. G. I know you want to be a "good wife" but it's pretty hard to ex: prepare meals when simply opening the fridge is enough to make ya nauseous. Or nothing appeals.
IMO, you're doing really well-as is DH-with your respective families: "Double Trouble," eh?!
TW
Double trouble indeed! I'm just so glad one side of the family doesn't even know where we live- that's really comforting even though it won't last.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to be able to admit I hate pregnancy. ;) Thanks for the encouragement. I cannot wait for the end, mainly to be able to drink and not share my body with a LO who spends the majority of the night playing kick ball with my insides! It really has been an awful 7 months and I can't wait for it to be over.
I hear you on my sister's surgery. It's ridiculous how much my parents baby her. I've come to really see they treat me differently than they do either of my sisters. I have no idea why! I mean- we were all raised the same, weren't we? Maybe not.
I had the crazy idea of telling my mom the shower would be ok if hubby and I could veto the guests and only invite those we were close to- crazy, idea, huh? I really- really don't think that would work and won't attempt it.
Life's looking up though :) DH and I were invited to his co-worker's get together coming up and one of my good friends is moving down to be near her SO- and much much closer to me than she was before (13 hrs away). Baby's healthy and happy and I'm crossing my fingers for an early delivery since he's so big.
Hope your life is amazing today! :) Big hugs to you <3
I agree re: the Shower and Guest List, Ms. G. I don't see how that's gonna work for you and DH at all, frankly. Your "mother" will use it as another opportunity to "Show-Pony" you as well as HER. It'd be "Open Season" on you with her as well as your sisters as "Mummy's Tag-Team." As you progress in your pregnancy she's gonna really turn up the heat about this Shower business and it is going to be a major challenge to get your "NO!" heard and respected.
ReplyDeleteI well remember the first time I took actual behavioral steps to set up/maintain a boundary with Psychob. I felt so GUILTY, as if I was just the most horrid human being/daughter on earth because I LIED to my "mother." The guilt faded rather quickly over a few months as I came to enjoy the peace this lil' "move" on my part gave me. But at the time even though I knew intellectually I really had to do this as a significant self-protective response, emotionally I was a wreck for awhile. It definitely got better! The "first step" really was the most challenging.
Oh, won't it be great to have your dear friend close by! How soon will she be moving to your area?
TW