Hate

I've probably said this before. But I need to say it again today. Sorry this is the only thought/feeling I have to share. I'm not sure how constructive this will be.

I need to openly admit to myself that I hate the N's. I hate them more than I've ever hated anything or anyone in my life. I wish they would die. I wish all the bad I can possibly think of on them. Some days I feel sorry for them. I'm over that. Abusers choose to abuse. Abusers choose to ignore the wrongs. They also have chosen to do nothing to make anything right again. I cannot pardon this. Their words or actions or lack thereof.

They are evil. They are everything that is not good. Their actions have been unforgivable. They are less-than human in my eyes. I need to allow myself to be okay with my feelings on this. To hate and be ok with hating. I cannot love them. It just is not in me to do so.

I hope they die. I hope everything they stands for falls to ruin around their heads. I hope their world is an empire crumbling that will never be raised up again once it has fallen. I hope for their swift demise so that their evils may be wiped away and not continue on to harm the lives and homes of others in their path of destruction. I hope they die miserable, painful, lonely deaths in the world of chaos they have created around them. I will be happy to know they are no longer in this world, harming others.

I need to allow myself to feel this way and be unapologetic for that. I need to get over feeling terrible for wishing harm to others and focus on the fact that maybe there is a righteous hatred- a righteous anger- for things evil. There is no good in my heart towards them and there never will be.

Comments

  1. Tundra WomanJanuary 16, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    Amen.
    Of course, the "PC Crowd" will take huge umbrage with your honesty which IMO refers to their *own* blind spots and attempts to usurp the "Moral High Ground." I am not concerned with the "Moral High Ground" when I'm dealing with individuals who have no concept of morality other than the awareness that others do. Consequently, it is *exactly* that "Morality" they will use as a tool to once again stick it to their targets.
    And I refuse to lay down and be a target for the Bullies, Walking Cluster B's and other perpetrators who hide behind their "labels" and that includes DNA-fostered "relationshits." As far as I'm concerned, it's Open Season on these POS every last day I draw a breath on this earth. The more exposed they are to the light of honesty, truth and integrity, the sooner the young 'uns will have an opportunity to get educated, get out, stay out and live a life free from the constant terrorism inflicted courtesy of their "Family."
    TW

    ReplyDelete
  2. JonsiJanuary 16, 2013 at 5:38 PM

    I'm of the mindset that hatred can be a good thing; a powerful thing. I don't believe there is anything wrong with allowing such a strong feeling to take hold, at least for as long as it takes to heal. The thing is, if we allow it to last forever, it'll just eat us up. But hatred serves a purpose. It means we recognize evil for what it is.

    I never trust people who say they "don't believe in hate" or that they "don't hate anyone."

    ReplyDelete
  3. ItsmylifeJanuary 17, 2013 at 3:41 AM

    Hi Gracie, I'm glad you're not excusing yourself. It would be insane to love people who harm you and behaved in a hateful way to you, you're a human being. If parents inflict this on their children it is even more vicious, because children do love their parents. I always wish that people experience themselves what they have done to others, unfortunately this can not be realized. I think it would be really unhealthy to deny that you feel hate for them, you do, so the best thing is to acknowledge it and to not beat yourself up for it. J.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownJanuary 17, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    Thanks! I agree. I've felt so much better since I was able to admit this. Hate is a powerful step to healing- whod've thunk?! Not to live the rest of your life in that hate- but I really think it's BS when people tell others not to hate and to forgive instead of processing the very normal, human emotion that is hate. In fact, a lot of the BS Christian-type forgiveness I feel excludes being honest with your emotions and where you are at- instead tries to rush you along to healing when someone may simply need time to NOT be okay with something in order to move on. It's okay to hate! What a powerful message. <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. ItsmylifeJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:22 AM

    Hi Gracie, Check the narcissists suck blog. There's a lot on the 'forgiveness business' which might be of interest to you. Denial of your own feelings is to deny yourself, to deny your own value. J.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownJanuary 18, 2013 at 8:03 AM

    Thanks for the suggestion J!

    ReplyDelete

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