What's an ACoN???

In order to lay groundwork for future posts, I wanted to highlight a few terms or acronyms I will be using to describe my experiences.

ACoN- adult child of a narcissist

A narcissistic personality disorder is often overlooked or simply misunderstood, here are a few characteristics of people who may be living with this disorder:


A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation

Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals

Have excessive feelings of self-importance

Exaggerate achievements and talents

Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love

Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Need constant attention and admiration

Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy

Have obsessive self-interest

Pursue mainly selfish goals

(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/)

To put it simply: an adult child of one or both parents with such a social disorder may be on the abuse-receiving end of such behaviors. These adults often grow up with a low sense of self-worth, fear or guilt stemming from parents who expect their adult child to provide total and complete happiness for them.

My spouse comes from a whole family of narcissists. Some completely toxic and abusive (his parents), others simply wrapped in the lifestyle that turns a blind eye to the abuse and some... maybe worst of all... going on to create a new generation of abusive, controlling and toxic narcissists.

NFIL, NMIL- the main n's of the 'outlaws', my husband's birth parents

NSIL- one of the flying monkeys, loyalties are yet to be determined but I feel a label needs to be placed on her to 'approach with caution'. Still lives with the N's at home.

NEBIL- enabler or more often than not, simply blind to the fact that his parents are the way they are. Lives at home, as well due to mental disability. Oddly enough, he is the only family member to show care and concern for his brother, hubby, or me. He really is an enabler, probably just unable to see the truth as his own world is comprised of hobbies and work. Probably the most 'human' of them all as he shows basic caring for others.

NABIL- narcissistic, asshole brother in law. Sorry, no better term for him. Oldest. Incredibly selfish and rude. Biased and loudly opinionated on what one can only assume is pure ignorance. Causes others in the family to cover his golden child's ass.

NBSIL- narcissistic bitchy sister in law. Marrying into the family to NABIL, coming from another wealthy, controlling family and bound to follow in the leader N's footsteps. Also incredibly rude and selfish. Pursuing own happiness is forefront and God help anyone who thinks the world doesn't revolve around her and hubby.


Flying Monkeys- this term I use to describe the people in DH's family that flock to NMIL or NFIL with information. Spies. People who have used any and all information to pass on gossip to the NIL's.

NC- no contact. We have been no contact with NMIL and NFIL for a year now. If I refer to NC, this is what I am talking about. No emails, no letters, no phone calls, no ... well, nothing. It has honestly been a liberating experience for our family.