Grandparents Rights

Regarding no contact or lack of relationship with the N's, I've heard a number of comments coming from well-meaning people. Even those who know about what they are like.
"I hope that changes when grandbabies come"
"of COURSE they'll be there as soon as the baby is born, you can't keep them away"
"Just let them visit, DH can talk to them and you'll be involved with the baby and won't have to say much"
"You won't be able to keep them away from your baby"

Um HELL NO.

Before I found out I was pregnant I felt having a child would be the last 'first' step away from the N's permanently. The thought of it hung over my head like a cloud, threatening to rain on any joy DH and I could possibly have thinking about bringing a baby to our family. I wrote previously about going through an early miscarriage before this current pregnancy, the thought of having children was a burden on my mind and weighed me down with pain and despair after losing that pregnancy. I realized that loss was all the more reason to keep the N's out of my life. I felt the need to protect myself, emotionally and physically if I were to ever have a baby. Even now, miscarriage is my biggest fear.

The selfish side of me wanted to have a baby before NBSIL and NABIL, simply because I wanted to know we'd be the first, if possible I wanted the N's to feel the loss of this relationship keenly as it would be their first grandchild, DH remains in that mindset as well. Certainly NOT why we wanted to have a child, but it's a plus. Now I know that N's do not feel bad about any loss of relationship. I couldn't care less.

DH and I have wanted to have kids all our lives. I nannied for several years before meeting him and loved children. I struggle with several health issues though and know this is probably the only child I'll be able to have. I'm ok with this. My main concern right now is to have a healthy, happy baby whatever the cost it's been to my personal health. It's been a struggle!

When I first heard of grandparent's rights, I laughed inside. Really? God. What kind of country do we live in where this is acceptable for a court to mandate relatives visitation rights? Then I remembered- there are a LOT of messed up parents out there who can't get their act together enough to keep a child safe. Unfortunately, the pressure for grandparents rights doesn't end there. I realized someday the N's may press for this legally.

To all parents out there of like minds, it's my dying wish to keep my children/child far, far away from the N's. They will visit over my dead body. I really do mean that. If they ever show up at my house and try to force their way in, God help them. I would sooner be sent to jail than let them near my child!

For those in the states, here's a great link that shares general overviews on your state's stance on grandparent's rights:
 http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-united-states

Honestly, it helps me to know that most courts will NOT award visitation rights to grandparents when both parents are alive, not in jail and not divorced. Also distance and a prior relationship to the child is factored into a decision. Another great reason to keep my kid away from them.

It really helped me going through this link and others according to my state, to know that most grandparent's rights are a bunch of BS. Still- categorizing abuse and any abusive contact is a must for any family creating a backup plan in case the N's try something stupid. At least you can prove they are 'crazies' in court if need be.

http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-guide

Here's another link on the same site worth checking out as well.

In my humble opinion, I think the child's own preference if they are old enough to say so should speak volumes to any judge. Sure N's can cry crocodile tears and pretend they are hurt by lack of communication. N's are perfect liars. They excel in lying and living a lie. For us, I feel having no relationship with our child whatsoever will give us adequate grounds to win any argument related to grandparents rights. If our child is asked about the N's as they are growing up, I'd love it if they were to say "Grandparents? What grandparents?"

Here's hoping to a great life free from N's with enough 'family' to shower them in so much love they won't even know the difference! I know I can't shelter them forever, I plan to tell them the N's are not nice people and it's good they live so far away. I can't wait to raise a happy family away from that crap.