Things Ain't All Kumbaya
When you truly move on from a situation- it doesn't mean that situation is no longer hurtful to you- it means you need to get on with your life, so you do just that.
It irks me to no end the fantasy so many people (ok, more often than not- religious people) make seem like reality for 'moving on' whatever that entails. You got burned by a forest fire? Let's sing a song around a campfire and have that as part of your 'healing' process. It hurt but can you touch the fire to tell it you forgive it for all the pain it caused? Seriously?! Imagine how ridiculous that would be. PTSD and other issues are very REAL, just like getting burned. And yet you don't see therapeutic fire in an intensive burn victim unit, do you??? (Seriously- post a link to any therapy that includes this lol )
It's unsound logic and, in layman's terms, crazy talk. And then- to heap insult to injury- there is something wrong with YOU if you don't want to embrace the thing that hurt you the most. The thing that will hurt you again and will continue to hurt you because of its very nature. A lot of people would do themselves a great deal of good if they only admitted to themselves, "Hey, psychopaths are very real and very awful people. They are NOT normal." Aka- they are NOT able to behave like normal human beings so I should stop expecting them to. Kills me. Abso-freakin-lutely kills me.
Not to go off on too much of a tangent ( I may post about this in my personal bloggie)- but I chortled at an 'inspiring' open letter to working moms vs. stay at home moms and vice versa. Admittedly, I wasn't even able to make it through the whole thing but I stopped reading at all the unbelievable things these 'women' were writing each other to make the other feel better- like more of a mom? What the actual ..... ?!
Hence my post title: life just ain't kumbaya and you're living in a bubble world of fantasy if you believe there will ever be a day where people stop imposing their own beliefs and viewpoints on others- in other words- judging them. I judge. I admit. Is it right? No- but it's there. My life choices, my decisions all influence how I interpret your life choices and decisions. I try not to judge- but shoot- it's gonna happen even subconsciously. Sorry about that.
Maybe this warped sense of 'forgiveness' and embracing what's hurt you comes mostly with fundamentalist Christianity, it was certainly how I was raised. While there were great things I learnt I also learned what has taken me the better part of a quarter of a century to forget.
Life will never be a giant campfire where we all join hands and sing kumbaya. It's back-stabbing and cut-throat. There are terrible people out there but really awesome ones, too. Narcs are not awesome. They're the wolves. There is no amount of therapy that involves going back to them that will ever do anyone any good.
It irks me to no end the fantasy so many people (ok, more often than not- religious people) make seem like reality for 'moving on' whatever that entails. You got burned by a forest fire? Let's sing a song around a campfire and have that as part of your 'healing' process. It hurt but can you touch the fire to tell it you forgive it for all the pain it caused? Seriously?! Imagine how ridiculous that would be. PTSD and other issues are very REAL, just like getting burned. And yet you don't see therapeutic fire in an intensive burn victim unit, do you??? (Seriously- post a link to any therapy that includes this lol )
It's unsound logic and, in layman's terms, crazy talk. And then- to heap insult to injury- there is something wrong with YOU if you don't want to embrace the thing that hurt you the most. The thing that will hurt you again and will continue to hurt you because of its very nature. A lot of people would do themselves a great deal of good if they only admitted to themselves, "Hey, psychopaths are very real and very awful people. They are NOT normal." Aka- they are NOT able to behave like normal human beings so I should stop expecting them to. Kills me. Abso-freakin-lutely kills me.
Not to go off on too much of a tangent ( I may post about this in my personal bloggie)- but I chortled at an 'inspiring' open letter to working moms vs. stay at home moms and vice versa. Admittedly, I wasn't even able to make it through the whole thing but I stopped reading at all the unbelievable things these 'women' were writing each other to make the other feel better- like more of a mom? What the actual ..... ?!
Hence my post title: life just ain't kumbaya and you're living in a bubble world of fantasy if you believe there will ever be a day where people stop imposing their own beliefs and viewpoints on others- in other words- judging them. I judge. I admit. Is it right? No- but it's there. My life choices, my decisions all influence how I interpret your life choices and decisions. I try not to judge- but shoot- it's gonna happen even subconsciously. Sorry about that.
Maybe this warped sense of 'forgiveness' and embracing what's hurt you comes mostly with fundamentalist Christianity, it was certainly how I was raised. While there were great things I learnt I also learned what has taken me the better part of a quarter of a century to forget.
Life will never be a giant campfire where we all join hands and sing kumbaya. It's back-stabbing and cut-throat. There are terrible people out there but really awesome ones, too. Narcs are not awesome. They're the wolves. There is no amount of therapy that involves going back to them that will ever do anyone any good.
The Truth, Ms. G.
ReplyDeleteI've railed repeatedly re: the PC "Forgiveness Police" so I'll not bore ya with it here. Suffice it to say I'm an old widow broad. I'm not at all "wise," but I've had a fair number of years to learn a few realities-or ignore them/take them out, dress them up. The latter to my peril every.last. time.
I'd make a terrible "Christian." I've *not* "forgiven" my abuser. I was thoroughly confused-would I "forgive" a snake for being a snake? A rabbit for being a rabbit? An eagle or owl for being what they are? Ohhhh, I'm DOOMED!!! Well, OK. But so far in the adventure and contrary to PC Thought, I have not spontaneously combusted. I have never felt or been described as an "Angry" or "Bitter" person by those who know me-many, for decades. Including my late DH. In fact, the whole concept of "Forgiveness" never even crossed my radar until we got wi-fi and connectivity in this backwoods and I stumbled on other people who also grew up with (look away NOW, PC-er's: imma use a "bad word"-you've been warned!) *evil* made flesh, Psychobitch, the person who gave birth to me and her job was DONE-in her view.
Her agenda was to ensure her entire family was appraised of the following-forcefully-on a daily basis:
-She HATED being a wife.
-She HATED being a "mother."
-She HATED being a "Homemaker."
-She HATED all of us.
We all got the message very clearly that somehow, we were responsible for her unbridled hatred and abuse-which took place primarily in private, of course. So clearly in fact by the end of her life her entire family "deserted" her. Leaving aside some distant relatives who got what they asked for (IMO) and that was dumped all over when her appeals to their conscience of this apparently harmless old lady (insert gallows laugh) over came their common sense. Yep. Burnt beyond recognition. Still talking about it, "It's become part of the family lore, TW" all these years later.
Hmm, wonder why?!
I make Judgements every.single.day. That has a great deal to do with survival and why I'm still here. I don't eat rancid food and I don't entertain rancid people, period the end and there's no DNA "Exception." The PC Police go off the deep end every time I use the word "Evil" in the dictionary sense because imma bad person don't cha know for using that wholly non-PC word. My thought is if they wanna keep diving head-first into an empty pool and incur yet more brain damage? Go for it. I'm not laying on my comfy couch with my lap top slinging invectives when I use the word "Evil." I'm using a word that has meaning and is applicable to my Truth and Experience. shrug. There isn't emotion attached to it at all but if someone chooses to read *their* emotions into it-and me-go for it. I'm powerless over others.
In the mean time, I'm thoroughly enjoying my Non-PC and CB-Free life. It's peaceful, enjoyable and Drama-Free: I made it that way intentionally using experience and judgement and fully intend to keep it that way.
I've worked too damn hard to have it any other way.
TW
Thanks for the comment and good for you! It's really encouraging to know you CAN live a happy and peaceful life apart from these vipers. I've definitely decided I don't think I can forgive them either- not in the sense everyone keeps talking about. Lesson learned, those chapters are closed and now it's just time to move on as if they are physically dead- until the day they are. Then I can rejoice that they no longer pollute the air around them!
ReplyDeleteHi Grace and Tundra Woman. I visit your page often, but don't usually comment. I just had to tell you I agree with you both 100 percent. So good to know there are some nice, normal, sensible people out there. Take care, "The Lost Child"
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, The Lost Child! Take care and be safe <3
ReplyDelete