Lessons Learned In Life


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How to deal with flying monkeys

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As I mentioned in my last post, N's are really schoolyard bullies with carefully crafted armies of henchmen... I prefer to call them what many ACoN's do... flying monkeys. The image really is universal as very few people have never in their life watched The Wizard of Oz. Most of us can identify the mental image of a lime green witch sending out her troops when Dorothy and her friends are on their quest. Much the same can be said for N's. As an ex-ACoN or ex-victim, you probably are in search of simple things- sanity, peace of mind, physical and mental safety. Many of us are on a quest to find such things for ourselves after the abuse from the N's. But, like Dorothy and her pals, there will be obstacles along the path the N's set to trip us up and make us fall right back into their grasp.  N's hardly ever work alone. Take a look at many N family dynamics and you will often find there is at least one enabler (if not a silent majority) that seeks to be the...
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I smell BS

Don't ya just love how N's phrase things? It's amazing how sweet and nice and considerate they sound. Even to themselves I suppose. Candy-coated poison. I was reminiscing about all the ways they tried to lure me in or lure me back or lure hubby back even when we had contact, albeit limited contact. NMIL told DH over the phone she wanted to make things better with me and apologize. Sounded sweet as can be. He agreed it'd be a good idea. Didn't tell me anything about this conversation. Lo and behold when WEEKS later I get an unexpected email in my inbox that must have taken less than a minute to type with her talons and send out officially. No apology whatsoever but 'I am sorry our relationship is not such that you would want us there to celebrate with you' on your bla-de-bla. Mind you, this wasn't even my birthday- they don't remember when THAT is- God forbid. I debated all of five minutes before deleting it and taking steps to delete HER account ...
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Abuse isn't an anger problem: it's a character problem

Today's ramblings are brought to you by pure hindsight being 20/20. There's a LOT of misinformation out there about what you are most likely going through, I'm assuming if you read my blog you are going through something that most people can't comprehend because being married to and having NPD in laws isn't all that common, really. There is a huge myth that abuse stems from anger. It does NOT. You cannot 'trigger' abuse by angering the person. Abuse is the CHOICE that the other person has made to react to you in an extremely inappropriate way. Everyone gets angry. Furious even. Emotionally mature adults know when they have reached their limit and will remove themselves from the situation to avoid further confrontation. This does not happen in people with NPD. Their whole world revolves around themselves and they will not 'admit defeat' by leaving a situation when it escalates. Rather- they would stay and make utter asses of themselves using ver...
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