Lessons Learned In Life


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Giving Yourself Permission

There is a common theme I see and have noticed in myself over the years. The need for permission! I feel so many readers come here or peruse other ACoN blogs to get the validation they need to let go. Deep down we're all damaged little kids at heart. We're all used to having authority figures telling us what to do and what not to do, so when it comes to something taboo (cutting out one's family) we seek validation our feelings are legitimate before doing what needs to be done for our own emotional and mental (even physical) health. I'm guilty of this as well. Fact is, some of us get non-apologies from our narcs. This only leads to more confusion and guilt as we are supposed to 'play by the rules' and 'forgive' what often can't be forgiven. In the case of non-apologies, I like to refer to this post by my dear friend Sister Renee   http://www.luke173ministries.org/466803 Ultimately- what STARTS the whole moving forward process for ACoNs, is the pe...
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I smell BS

Don't ya just love how N's phrase things? It's amazing how sweet and nice and considerate they sound. Even to themselves I suppose. Candy-coated poison. I was reminiscing about all the ways they tried to lure me in or lure me back or lure hubby back even when we had contact, albeit limited contact. NMIL told DH over the phone she wanted to make things better with me and apologize. Sounded sweet as can be. He agreed it'd be a good idea. Didn't tell me anything about this conversation. Lo and behold when WEEKS later I get an unexpected email in my inbox that must have taken less than a minute to type with her talons and send out officially. No apology whatsoever but 'I am sorry our relationship is not such that you would want us there to celebrate with you' on your bla-de-bla. Mind you, this wasn't even my birthday- they don't remember when THAT is- God forbid. I debated all of five minutes before deleting it and taking steps to delete HER account ...
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Just say 'no'

Really? Who knew standing up for myself would be so hard. After the last post I feel the need to write an update today. My older sister is out of surgery and all went well. After a guilt-ridden dream I had she passed away during the operation. I've been feeling hugely anxious/nervous and guilty all since I told my mom I wasn't sure I could watch my little sister overnight or have her as a house guest so both my parents could take off work to be there for my older sister this morning. I've been sleeping terribly with pregnancy-related issues and knew having my sister over would only add more stress to me, stress I couldn't handle due to the way I've been feeling lately. I knew I made the right choice in even bringing up this concern to my mom but can't help but feel extremely guilty this week as I went through with it. I feel they're mad at me. Maybe that's just me, maybe not. I haven't heard anything from my family except 'we'll manage'...
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