Confessions from the Fog

There really can be true happiness after leaving an abusive relationship in the past. For one, the pain you used to feel is less than it was. Time really does put a wall of distance between us and past abuse. You begin to care less and less about them, their opinions, lifestyles and the very notion that they are alive and well and not dead. It's hard for N's to fathom that. How could ANYONE really not care about them? Well- we can. Once you find that peace that comes with distance, it really is liberating to not give a crap about them. The days you do not think about them or the abuse turn into weeks without thinking of them. Then months and (hopefully) years. I never thought it was possible, but it is. Years out from the abuse, it really is exciting to realize you can go whole weeks without once thinking of your abusers. Ultimately, going no-contact gives you the freedom to be YOU. The *you* you never could be with them telling you who to be and how to live your ...

I've been debating on how much of this to share on my blog, but when I committed to writing everything and anything down- I meant it. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, right? I'm really quite messed up and been afraid to admit that for so long. I write this blog as much for others and I do for myself, sometimes noticing trains of thought in my posts I didn't realize were circulating around in my head driving me nuts. Confession number four: mentally, physically and especially emotionally- I'm a wreck. I do a good job of pretending to be okay though and God only knows how I managed to get through the past year. With my wedding anniversary coming up as well as that being the one year NC mark with the N's- I've had a lot of nasty thoughts and issues surface. My plan was to 'celebrate' this really sad day by drinking and forgetting all about it. But now that I'm knocked up- that's not an option. D: It's probably a good thing I can'...

Before I go on sharing my story, I thought to share some views from my husband whose FOO (family of origin) is the main topic of these posts. He knows I blog, in fact, he supports it. I certainly wouldn't be writing about these things if he did not okay it to begin with. Abuse is personal. Sharing these stories may help someone else and God help me, I refuse to cover up their words or actions anymore. As a reminder of why we are NC with his family and as a reminder of how far we've come, the dirty truth has to be exposed before it affects another generation. I'm part of several different groups of women dealing with toxic in laws, a term used by author Susan Forward in her book, Toxic In-Laws (great read, by the way!). Many of these women are stuck in marriages where their husband feeds into an unhealthy relationship with his FOO. Some have been in this cycle for years with little hope of it ever getting better or their husbands stepping up to say 'no' to a contro...