Confessions from the Fog

There really can be true happiness after leaving an abusive relationship in the past. For one, the pain you used to feel is less than it was. Time really does put a wall of distance between us and past abuse. You begin to care less and less about them, their opinions, lifestyles and the very notion that they are alive and well and not dead. It's hard for N's to fathom that. How could ANYONE really not care about them? Well- we can. Once you find that peace that comes with distance, it really is liberating to not give a crap about them. The days you do not think about them or the abuse turn into weeks without thinking of them. Then months and (hopefully) years. I never thought it was possible, but it is. Years out from the abuse, it really is exciting to realize you can go whole weeks without once thinking of your abusers. Ultimately, going no-contact gives you the freedom to be YOU. The *you* you never could be with them telling you who to be and how to live your

This is why there is no contact for us. Not because we are horrible, unforgiving people- but because some relationships need to be given up in order to pursue a happy and healthy future. In this case, it is not up to the 'plate' to fix itself and resume a relationship as if nothing had happened.  N's don't get this. Why would they? It's up to us to make them complete, they're truly not capable of fixing anything. 

*expletive* this. Seriously. Who has the holiday spirit when you have N's?? Those unwelcome chimps just pop out of the woodwork and say howdy-do like suddenly you're besties. I'm thinking of you all this holiday season, no matter where you're at in your relationship to the narcissists in your life- know you're not alone. There can be peace and joy in the small moments and glimmers of hope behind the pain of going through Christmas family-free. I've really struggled with being gracious lately, to those well-meaning individuals who know my whole history with the N's and somehow- *still* ask if we've seen/heard from them and how they're doing. Um. Okay. There will always be people who don't 'get it'. To be honest, cutting off a toxic family member is never an easy choice. No matter the abuse or situation, it's always a choice that no one can judge unless they've walked in your shoes. The N's may feel it's easy f